Q: Why do the New York Yankees insist on treating " God Bless America" as the national anthem?
A: Because King George the Steinbrenner deemed it so.
Q: Why does the Pope lecture the world about the ills of "new capitalism"?
A: To cover up " old totalitarianism" in the church.
Q: Why did Wolf Blitzer say that Barack Obama is the first African-American president to visit an African nation? Were there some previous African - American presidents?
A: Of course not but as Mr. Blitzer explained , Barack Obama, the first African- American President is visiting an African Nation.
Q: Why can't Eric Wedge, the Cleveland Indians manager, make up his mind as to grow a beard or not?
A: He can't make up his mind about anything,least of all his lineup.
Q: Who are the people questioning whether they will buy a General Motors car again?
A: GM retirees. They don't like the 61% government stake in GM! They do like the government saving their pensions.
Did I answer correctly? Who said this was quiz? Besides I used crib notes.
7/10/09
7/5/09
Behind The Headlines
Plain Dealer headlines begging for some speculation:
Guns prominent in killings
Not surprising. Not many murderers are skilled with a bow and arrow.
Shaq wants "a ring for the King"
Is the King ( Lebron James) ailing? Shaq has four , why not give the King one? Who made Lebron king anyway?
What's up with all the grunting at Wimbledon
Constipation? Have they ever heard of stool softners?
Devoted family man guilty of bribes, kickbacks
What else is a devoted family man to do to support his family in style given today's economy?
Palin's resignation provokes speculation about her future
Is the directorship of Planned Parenthood in the cards? Will she get a talk show opposite Dave Letterman? Is there a CEO opening at Exxon? Anything but the presidency!
Guns prominent in killings
Not surprising. Not many murderers are skilled with a bow and arrow.
Shaq wants "a ring for the King"
Is the King ( Lebron James) ailing? Shaq has four , why not give the King one? Who made Lebron king anyway?
What's up with all the grunting at Wimbledon
Constipation? Have they ever heard of stool softners?
Devoted family man guilty of bribes, kickbacks
What else is a devoted family man to do to support his family in style given today's economy?
Palin's resignation provokes speculation about her future
Is the directorship of Planned Parenthood in the cards? Will she get a talk show opposite Dave Letterman? Is there a CEO opening at Exxon? Anything but the presidency!
7/2/09
You can't teach an old dog new tricks....
I did it! A new computer graces my desk. I finally got it up and running. What took me so long? It didn't have the feel of my old friend. After a lot of tinkering it's a reasonable facsimile.
My old computer has gone the way of Mark Sanford's political ambitions. It's still alive but on life support. The computer doctor predicts it will be gone in about a week. It's not big news but we'll have a suitable memorial. In this household it will preempt any MJ memorial.
I was sure that a new computer with lots of memory megabytes would stir up my writing creativity. With the faster speed my blog posts would flow incessantly. This is the best that I have come up with so far.
I'm not giving up. As with any new relationship patience is the key. I did buy a lap top and I'm seriously thinking of taking it to bed with me. I've heard that lap tops get really hot.
Just think of the post material which will be forthcoming!
What's with this sleep thing I see in the lower left corner. That will never do. We'll probably never consummate this marriage.
Next thing I know there will be a pop up screen informing me that this slick machine has a headache.
My old computer has gone the way of Mark Sanford's political ambitions. It's still alive but on life support. The computer doctor predicts it will be gone in about a week. It's not big news but we'll have a suitable memorial. In this household it will preempt any MJ memorial.
I was sure that a new computer with lots of memory megabytes would stir up my writing creativity. With the faster speed my blog posts would flow incessantly. This is the best that I have come up with so far.
I'm not giving up. As with any new relationship patience is the key. I did buy a lap top and I'm seriously thinking of taking it to bed with me. I've heard that lap tops get really hot.
Just think of the post material which will be forthcoming!
What's with this sleep thing I see in the lower left corner. That will never do. We'll probably never consummate this marriage.
Next thing I know there will be a pop up screen informing me that this slick machine has a headache.
6/27/09
Iran a theocracy?
A theocracy is a form of government in which God is recognized as the supreme civil ruler. What if God does not exist? Is the theocracy a sham? What if God exists? How does he or she ( the she would not sit well with an Islamic theocracy) rule? Through a supreme mortal of course.
To be supreme and a mortal at the same time would indicate a ruler not to be challenged. What if he is challenged? As one cleric in Iran put it " leaders of the demonstrations could be executed".
A blasphemous statement! A statement in severe conflict with clerics proclaiming "God is good" . Clerics speak in the name of God. If God calls for execution , God is not good. If God is not good then there is no God. If there is no God , there can be no theocracy.
Thus the Iranian Islamic Republic is not a theocracy! Iran is not a republic. Iran is a totalitarian state governed by a dictator.
How do you deal with a dictatorship which proclaims to have a direct line to a supreme being? Very gingerly.
To be supreme and a mortal at the same time would indicate a ruler not to be challenged. What if he is challenged? As one cleric in Iran put it " leaders of the demonstrations could be executed".
A blasphemous statement! A statement in severe conflict with clerics proclaiming "God is good" . Clerics speak in the name of God. If God calls for execution , God is not good. If God is not good then there is no God. If there is no God , there can be no theocracy.
Thus the Iranian Islamic Republic is not a theocracy! Iran is not a republic. Iran is a totalitarian state governed by a dictator.
How do you deal with a dictatorship which proclaims to have a direct line to a supreme being? Very gingerly.
6/25/09
The day after
After yesterday's rant about Time Warner and customer service, today's customer service experience at a local computer store ( Microcenter) rates four stars. I actually talked to three different associates who not only bent over backwards to answer my questions but were actually knowledgeable. No, I didn't buy today but I will buy in the near future after getting the approval of my high primal thinker. There is hope for good customer service!
6/24/09
Time Warner is holding me hostage
I have a problem, actually a lot of problems but one in particular. I’m lost in the wilderness of cable television pricing.
For years cable service was easily understood . There was basic service and premium service. You paid for what you got, then enjoyed the annual price increases for which there was little explanation other than “our service has improved to the extent that we can command a higher price”.
The High Primal Thinker and I enjoy old movies, especially the offerings on Turner Classic Movies. About a year ago the only way we could get TCM was to subscribe to digital service for an extra ten bucks a month ( TCM later became part of the basic package with no increase in price but I wasn’t paying attention). Actually it was more than ten bucks a month. It was necessary to rent a digital converter and a remote for another eight bucks a month. Oh well, we now had good entertainment.
In the past year, two events made the presence of a digital converter box in our home overkill. The first was the purchase of a new TV set with of all things a digital tuner. Secondly all the TV transmissions converted from analog to digital. Great, my digital converter box was superfluous. All I had to do was return it and save eight bucks a month.
I ventured into the jungle of customer service. Incidentally if the C.I.A is looking for a new form of torture they should consider the endless commercials Time Warner offers up as they put you on endless hold as you try to reach the customer service representative that another customer service rep referred you to.
To make a long story short, I eventually was informed that I could return the box and the remote, and yes the eight dollar rental would be removed from my bill. Without missing a beat the rep added that my monthly charge for cable service would go up about ten dollars a month. It would be cheaper to keep the box and pay the rent!
I couldn’t believe my ears and asked for an explanation. Get this, with the box I had access to hundreds of channels but without the box I would be limited to 76 channels. The bottom line was that I was downgrading my service which would negate a discount I was receiving ( which was news to me). I would have to pay list price for the basic service.
What it all boils down to is that I have a TV set with a digital tuner hooked up to a digital converter box. Of course I can receive many more channels with the box, but I’m not addicted to channel surfing. I don’t need the damn box but I must pay for it until June of 2010 ( another rep told me the discount would expire in September of 2009). No matter, on general principles I’m going to disconnect the box, store it in a safe place and return it when Time Warner inflates my bill either in September or next June.
End of story? Not quite. I’m planning a visit to one of their centers where I can talk face to face with a rep and possibly gain my freedom from that monstrous Time Warner digital converter box.
I feel much better! Thanks for bearing with me. I've got to get back to my TV, "A Night At The Opera" is on.
For years cable service was easily understood . There was basic service and premium service. You paid for what you got, then enjoyed the annual price increases for which there was little explanation other than “our service has improved to the extent that we can command a higher price”.
The High Primal Thinker and I enjoy old movies, especially the offerings on Turner Classic Movies. About a year ago the only way we could get TCM was to subscribe to digital service for an extra ten bucks a month ( TCM later became part of the basic package with no increase in price but I wasn’t paying attention). Actually it was more than ten bucks a month. It was necessary to rent a digital converter and a remote for another eight bucks a month. Oh well, we now had good entertainment.
In the past year, two events made the presence of a digital converter box in our home overkill. The first was the purchase of a new TV set with of all things a digital tuner. Secondly all the TV transmissions converted from analog to digital. Great, my digital converter box was superfluous. All I had to do was return it and save eight bucks a month.
I ventured into the jungle of customer service. Incidentally if the C.I.A is looking for a new form of torture they should consider the endless commercials Time Warner offers up as they put you on endless hold as you try to reach the customer service representative that another customer service rep referred you to.
To make a long story short, I eventually was informed that I could return the box and the remote, and yes the eight dollar rental would be removed from my bill. Without missing a beat the rep added that my monthly charge for cable service would go up about ten dollars a month. It would be cheaper to keep the box and pay the rent!
I couldn’t believe my ears and asked for an explanation. Get this, with the box I had access to hundreds of channels but without the box I would be limited to 76 channels. The bottom line was that I was downgrading my service which would negate a discount I was receiving ( which was news to me). I would have to pay list price for the basic service.
What it all boils down to is that I have a TV set with a digital tuner hooked up to a digital converter box. Of course I can receive many more channels with the box, but I’m not addicted to channel surfing. I don’t need the damn box but I must pay for it until June of 2010 ( another rep told me the discount would expire in September of 2009). No matter, on general principles I’m going to disconnect the box, store it in a safe place and return it when Time Warner inflates my bill either in September or next June.
End of story? Not quite. I’m planning a visit to one of their centers where I can talk face to face with a rep and possibly gain my freedom from that monstrous Time Warner digital converter box.
I feel much better! Thanks for bearing with me. I've got to get back to my TV, "A Night At The Opera" is on.
6/23/09
Iranian Unrest
- It seems to me that if anything positive comes from the Iranian post election demonstrations and unrest, a large amount of the credit should go to the young, beautiful, courageous Iranian women. If the Muslim world is ever to reform, it will be because of their oppressed women.
- Once again clerics are proving that a cleric's place is in the mosque, church or synagogue.
- I for one completely support Obama's Iranian stance.
- Republican gun slingers should holster their guns.
6/21/09
6/18/09
Breaking News
Breaking News! "Breaking News" is in danger of becoming a cliche.
There was a time when the words "Breaking News" appeared on the TV screen and you dropped everything to hear a report on an important news event. More and more news anchors use " Breaking News" as a teaser for you to keep listening to them reading the news. They imply that an important story is breaking. It's so important that they will tell you about it later. If you hang on waiting to find out what it is , you are sadly disappointed. It turns out that it is a "dog bites man" story, not a "man bites dog"story, which would have made it worthy of breaking news.
"Breaking News", overused and increasingly trite at the hands of some news anchors.
There was a time when the words "Breaking News" appeared on the TV screen and you dropped everything to hear a report on an important news event. More and more news anchors use " Breaking News" as a teaser for you to keep listening to them reading the news. They imply that an important story is breaking. It's so important that they will tell you about it later. If you hang on waiting to find out what it is , you are sadly disappointed. It turns out that it is a "dog bites man" story, not a "man bites dog"story, which would have made it worthy of breaking news.
"Breaking News", overused and increasingly trite at the hands of some news anchors.
Proposal To Reduce Health Care Costs
Congressmen, Democrats and Republicans alike, have sticker shock when faced with the cost of health care reform. There is a lot of maneuvering going on to find ways of cutting the estimated cost of one trillion dollars. I haven’t heard of anything to date that comes close to a meaningful cost reduction.
Everyone agrees that the greatest impact on reducing healthcare costs would come if the population would keep itself healthy. That being the case I have a proposal for our learned legislators. Instead of grappling with health insurance schemes, why not take a look at necklaces. Yes necklaces!
My research has turned up three different kind of necklaces that have a miraculous effect on the wearers health. A stimulus package allocating twenty-five dollars to every citizen would do the trick. I haven’t done the math but I bet that it’s a lot less than one trillion dollars.
My top recommendation is a garlic necklace. The role of garlic in health care is legendary. I can remember going to school and being knocked over by the smell of garlic. It was flu season and half of the students were wearing garlic necklaces. Aside from warding off the flu, garlic necklaces have the added benefit of scaring off evil spirits. Everyone knows that evil spirits carry all kinds of diseases. Garlic necklaces can be had for anywhere between six and forty dollars. The six dollar version is highly recommended.
If someone doesn’t want to go around smelling like Italian cuisine, I would recommend that they get a titanium necklace for around thirty dollars. You’ve seen these necklaces that look like ropes around the necks of ballplayers. (This has no relation to a disgruntled fan planning to lynch a player.) Titanium
necklaces improve joint movement, blood flow and stamina. ( The Cleveland Indian’s owner only provided the players with cheap imitations , thus their last place standing). I’ve included a photo to show how attractive those titanium ropes are. Good news, you can get them with your team logo woven in. Just like baseball caps, one size fits all.
Last but not least, consideration must be given to the scapular medal. Unfortunately only a limited part of the population would be eligible to wear one. One has to be a Catholic to be privileged to wear a scapular medal. The scapular medal provides for well being in this life and the hereafter. That is a real bargain but I
’m sure that Congress would have a problem with scapular medals. It really is too bad since the medal protects both your front and back. Upon further thought , I’m not so sure it would be a problem if this is the necklace of choice. Unless the government is getting into the necklace business, it should care less as to how the necklace stimulus money is spent as long the necklace purchased promotes good health.
Personally I’m not ready to wear a necklace , so if some stimulus comes my way I plan to bank it. I'll use it for a witch doctor if I become ill. You can read all about it in a post I published some time ago, Il Malocchio.
Everyone agrees that the greatest impact on reducing healthcare costs would come if the population would keep itself healthy. That being the case I have a proposal for our learned legislators. Instead of grappling with health insurance schemes, why not take a look at necklaces. Yes necklaces!
My research has turned up three different kind of necklaces that have a miraculous effect on the wearers health. A stimulus package allocating twenty-five dollars to every citizen would do the trick. I haven’t done the math but I bet that it’s a lot less than one trillion dollars.
My top recommendation is a garlic necklace. The role of garlic in health care is legendary. I can remember going to school and being knocked over by the smell of garlic. It was flu season and half of the students were wearing garlic necklaces. Aside from warding off the flu, garlic necklaces have the added benefit of scaring off evil spirits. Everyone knows that evil spirits carry all kinds of diseases. Garlic necklaces can be had for anywhere between six and forty dollars. The six dollar version is highly recommended.If someone doesn’t want to go around smelling like Italian cuisine, I would recommend that they get a titanium necklace for around thirty dollars. You’ve seen these necklaces that look like ropes around the necks of ballplayers. (This has no relation to a disgruntled fan planning to lynch a player.) Titanium
necklaces improve joint movement, blood flow and stamina. ( The Cleveland Indian’s owner only provided the players with cheap imitations , thus their last place standing). I’ve included a photo to show how attractive those titanium ropes are. Good news, you can get them with your team logo woven in. Just like baseball caps, one size fits all.Last but not least, consideration must be given to the scapular medal. Unfortunately only a limited part of the population would be eligible to wear one. One has to be a Catholic to be privileged to wear a scapular medal. The scapular medal provides for well being in this life and the hereafter. That is a real bargain but I
’m sure that Congress would have a problem with scapular medals. It really is too bad since the medal protects both your front and back. Upon further thought , I’m not so sure it would be a problem if this is the necklace of choice. Unless the government is getting into the necklace business, it should care less as to how the necklace stimulus money is spent as long the necklace purchased promotes good health.Personally I’m not ready to wear a necklace , so if some stimulus comes my way I plan to bank it. I'll use it for a witch doctor if I become ill. You can read all about it in a post I published some time ago, Il Malocchio.
6/16/09
My keyboard for a post
My keyboard for a post? I must be desperate. If an idea for a post suddenly surfaced I couldn't do much with it without a keyboard. That is probably just as well. Still its embarrassing. I have a blog and can't think of anything worthwhile to post.
The rioting in Iran would be worth a few words, but I don't want to meddle in their election.
Take the Cleveland Indians, they have provided fodder for a few posts. Better I leave that blogging to the Milwaukee Brewers. They are delighted with the Indians. First we take two out three from the Cardinals who are chasing the Brewers. Next we scare the hell out of the Brewers with a 12 to 8 lead in the seventh but lose 14 to 12. Not satisfied with those gifts, we are handing another game to them as I type. No, I don't want to blog about the Indians.
Photos would certainly satisfy the criteria for a post. One problem, even I am not enamored with my Photo Shop skills.
How about health care? Everybody is talking about reining in healthcare costs. I'm all for that but has anyone talked to the Cleveland Clinic. Obama has and he holds them out as an example of health care efficiency. I doubt that he has ever seen one of their bills. I'm still trying to find a Google translator for the last one I received. I really don't want to write about healthcare costs, I may write something I will regret at my next doctor's appointment.
Politics has never failed me in the past. I could pretend that I'm a Republican and tear apart everything that Obama has said or not said. I could but I won't.
I know, I could reminisce. Reminiscing can be fun. If you come up with something that is not so funny , you can always chalk it up to a poor memory. Now that's a possibility. Poor memory, dimentia , Alzheimer, aging. No, I said I couldn't put myself in a Republican's shoes.
Back to reminiscences. I remember listening to my mother and some of her lady friends sitting around the dinning room table, crocheting and exchanging botti. A botta is a ding or a slam. In the course of a conversation, a botta was there but cleverly disguised.
"Marianna, your daughter Maria looks so much better since she put on a little weight"
Maria was a fourteen year old putana who got knocked up. It's true ! Dave Letterman told me so.
While on the subject of a botta, how does this grab you. Francisco bragged to all his friends that Maria's condition resulted from " una botta e via". Translation - one night stand.
I'm sure I have enriched your time with this post. As they say, " if it's not worth saying don't say it". On the other hand the popularity of blogs would suffer dramatically if that were the case.
( Its 4-3 Milwaukee after seven. Go Tribe!)
The rioting in Iran would be worth a few words, but I don't want to meddle in their election.
Take the Cleveland Indians, they have provided fodder for a few posts. Better I leave that blogging to the Milwaukee Brewers. They are delighted with the Indians. First we take two out three from the Cardinals who are chasing the Brewers. Next we scare the hell out of the Brewers with a 12 to 8 lead in the seventh but lose 14 to 12. Not satisfied with those gifts, we are handing another game to them as I type. No, I don't want to blog about the Indians.
Photos would certainly satisfy the criteria for a post. One problem, even I am not enamored with my Photo Shop skills.
How about health care? Everybody is talking about reining in healthcare costs. I'm all for that but has anyone talked to the Cleveland Clinic. Obama has and he holds them out as an example of health care efficiency. I doubt that he has ever seen one of their bills. I'm still trying to find a Google translator for the last one I received. I really don't want to write about healthcare costs, I may write something I will regret at my next doctor's appointment.
Politics has never failed me in the past. I could pretend that I'm a Republican and tear apart everything that Obama has said or not said. I could but I won't.
I know, I could reminisce. Reminiscing can be fun. If you come up with something that is not so funny , you can always chalk it up to a poor memory. Now that's a possibility. Poor memory, dimentia , Alzheimer, aging. No, I said I couldn't put myself in a Republican's shoes.
Back to reminiscences. I remember listening to my mother and some of her lady friends sitting around the dinning room table, crocheting and exchanging botti. A botta is a ding or a slam. In the course of a conversation, a botta was there but cleverly disguised.
"Marianna, your daughter Maria looks so much better since she put on a little weight"
Maria was a fourteen year old putana who got knocked up. It's true ! Dave Letterman told me so.
While on the subject of a botta, how does this grab you. Francisco bragged to all his friends that Maria's condition resulted from " una botta e via". Translation - one night stand.
I'm sure I have enriched your time with this post. As they say, " if it's not worth saying don't say it". On the other hand the popularity of blogs would suffer dramatically if that were the case.
( Its 4-3 Milwaukee after seven. Go Tribe!)
6/11/09
With all due respect......
The use of the phrase “with all due respect“ conveys very little respect. It is condescending at best and downright insulting at its worst. The real message is ,“with all due respect, which is absolutely none, I think you are an asshole”. With all due respect, the phrase is to be avoided at all costs.
6/10/09
I've become a dinosaur
If Twitter is changing the way we live and showing us the future of innovation , it completely bypassed Tony. Blogging is my game , not Twittering - and that makes me a dinosaur. Worse yet, I have yet to send a text message! Photos? I still rely on a camera that can't get on the internet or place a long distance call.
This is a sad state of affairs for someone who spent his entire working years in engineering and manufacturing. I hardly recognize myself. Having cut my teeth on diodes, transistors and LED's, it's a real comedown.
What really bothers me is that none of this bothers me. The bottom line is that remaining relatively anonymous in this age of a communication revolution suits me fine . Don't get me wrong , I tried to twitter but ended up being a twitter dropout. I even toyed with Facebook. When I mentioned the latter to my son, the response was "Why?" That ended that. My Space? I have all the space I need.
Breaking news! Apple has introduced a $99 Iphone! Now that may bring me into the twenty-first century, but I'll wait a while longer, Tracfone may offer an equally smart phone.
6/4/09
Nice day for a house guest....
Great day out there! A little cool but the sun is shining ( why do we say the sun is shinning? Doesn't it shine continously ). Anyway it lifts the spirits ( never really understood what that means but it sounds good).
I'm glad the rain stopped since we have a house guest. When he's visited in the past he complained about the rain. Don't get me wrong, we're glad to have him. He's not much trouble other than at dinner time. He has a voracious appetite. My spouse, the high primal thinker, meets herself coming and going trying to satiate his appetite.
Speaking of the high primal thinker, I think my friend is quite taken with her and the attraction seems to be mutual. I'm not the jealous type but I am the suspicious type. She has assured me his antics revolve around the food she prepares and shares with him. I love my wife and I love my friend, so I've concluded that its not unreasonable to share affections. Threesomes are not uncommon these days ( "these days" justifies any activity these days).
Our house guest loves to walk which is fine , except he insists that I walk with him. I keep telling him that getting up at five in the morning to take a walk is not my idea of fun but I'm sure we'll be up again at five tomorrow morning.
He has another bad trait. He is anti social and not very tolerant of other guests.The only way we can get him to accept a visit from others is to bribe him. His appetite does him in. Offer him a treat and he's your friend for life.
You may have guessed by now that our guest is a dog, our daughter's dog. While she and her family are on vacation, Thurston will be vacationing with us. The price they pay for his cheap vacation is a very spoiled dog.
I'm glad the rain stopped since we have a house guest. When he's visited in the past he complained about the rain. Don't get me wrong, we're glad to have him. He's not much trouble other than at dinner time. He has a voracious appetite. My spouse, the high primal thinker, meets herself coming and going trying to satiate his appetite.
Speaking of the high primal thinker, I think my friend is quite taken with her and the attraction seems to be mutual. I'm not the jealous type but I am the suspicious type. She has assured me his antics revolve around the food she prepares and shares with him. I love my wife and I love my friend, so I've concluded that its not unreasonable to share affections. Threesomes are not uncommon these days ( "these days" justifies any activity these days).
Our house guest loves to walk which is fine , except he insists that I walk with him. I keep telling him that getting up at five in the morning to take a walk is not my idea of fun but I'm sure we'll be up again at five tomorrow morning.
He has another bad trait. He is anti social and not very tolerant of other guests.The only way we can get him to accept a visit from others is to bribe him. His appetite does him in. Offer him a treat and he's your friend for life.
You may have guessed by now that our guest is a dog, our daughter's dog. While she and her family are on vacation, Thurston will be vacationing with us. The price they pay for his cheap vacation is a very spoiled dog.
6/3/09
Crappy weather , crappy team
Crappy weather! So what else is new. Poor excuse for a lack of creativity but better days are coming.
Hold the presses! Its not the weather that's making me blue, its the Cleveland Indians . Read all about it! The manager hopes that a last place finish may be avoided. Don't bet on it.
The signs are all there:
The Indian's front office is too wimpy to address this problem. The only salvation may be if another Supreme Court opening develops. Chief Wahoo would be a perfect candidate. He certainly would add color. No red man has ever served on the court . He's a male, so the white men would be careful in any criticism they have to offer. Although I can visualize some NRA members claiming "the only good Indian is a dead one".
I'm writing to that Obama guy. He's a White Sox fan but he's also for change. I'm sure that he can propose some legislation which will make the use of logos such as Chief Wahoo illegal. This may be the only way to get the Cleveland Indians into the 21st century. I don't think there will be another Supreme Court opening soon.
In the meantime, Go Tribe! Better yet, Go Team!
Hold the presses! Its not the weather that's making me blue, its the Cleveland Indians . Read all about it! The manager hopes that a last place finish may be avoided. Don't bet on it.
The signs are all there:
- The owner has a heart attack
- Eight players on the disabled list
- The lineup looks like an Abbot and Costello routine
- It rains almost every home game
- John Adams , the drummer, is silent
- Progressive Field is sparsely populated
The Indian's front office is too wimpy to address this problem. The only salvation may be if another Supreme Court opening develops. Chief Wahoo would be a perfect candidate. He certainly would add color. No red man has ever served on the court . He's a male, so the white men would be careful in any criticism they have to offer. Although I can visualize some NRA members claiming "the only good Indian is a dead one".I'm writing to that Obama guy. He's a White Sox fan but he's also for change. I'm sure that he can propose some legislation which will make the use of logos such as Chief Wahoo illegal. This may be the only way to get the Cleveland Indians into the 21st century. I don't think there will be another Supreme Court opening soon.
In the meantime, Go Tribe! Better yet, Go Team!
6/2/09
A local university is aggressively advertising a potpourri of MBA programs. The program descriptions were a bit confusing but this is what I think they meant:
- Part time MBA - takes classes when not selling Chryslers ( time better spent on learning Italian)
- Accelerated MBA - for those too busy to attend classes
- Executive MBA - required for executives seeking bailout money
- Joint MBA - program tailored for marijuana users
Its still cloudy out there
Why do I have visions of domestic terrorists when I read about the murder of a doctor who performed abortions? Why am I reminded of the NRA’s LaPierre who would have us believe that “men with guns make the rules”? Why do abortion extremists use religion to justify murder? Why are men at the forefront of a debate which mainly concerns women? The abortion issue and the gun control issue make the economy issue in this country look trivial. The latter is treatable , the others are like cancerous tumors which only radical surgery can remove.
6/1/09
It's very cloudy outside.....
- It has been reported that now that bailout funds have rescued them , banks are eager to get back to business as usual. They apparently will fight tighter regulatory practices down to our last dollar.
- Everyone who sends out financial statement are using a lot of paper to embarrass us into going paperless. Go green, it will save the environment! Interesting that where there is a buck to made they find it convenient to become environmentalists. No hint as to their willingness to share the profits.
- GM is bankrupt! Somehow I find it difficult to shed a tear, especially since a Hummer forced me to take the shoulder recently.
- We will be the majority owners in the new GM. We will be the silent owners in the new GM. The new GM will tell us what we should drive, just like the old GM.
- My guess is that the new GM will be an American corporation with headquarters in Detroit and plants in China and Mexico. The Detroit headquarters will be important if they are to qualify for more bailout funds.
- Fiat will run Chrysler. They will finish the job Daimler started - run Chrysler right into the ground.
- Social Security and Medicare need fixing but the job is a political mine field. After all a Congressman needs job security and that nice government pension. The motto in Congress is “Don’t do today what you can put off until tomorrow!”.
- Actually things aren’t that bad, they just look bad. On the other hand, looks are all we can go by.
5/31/09
Remembering Big Little Books
In my last post ,while doing a little reminiscing about Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon , I was reintroduced to a long lost friend, BIG LITTLE BOOKS. To quote from the link, " The Whitman BLBs look much like a four-inch block sawed off the end of a two-by-four. Although there were numerous variations in outside dimensions and in number of pages, most were 3 5/8" x 4 1/2" x 1 1/2" in size and 432 pages in length. The outstanding feature of the books was the captioned picture opposite each page of text. The books originally sold for a dime (later 15¢). Many children learned to read and have an appreciation for all books because of their experiences with BLBs. The source material for the books was drawn mostly from radio, comic strips, and motion pictures."
If memory serves me correctly, BLBs were the first books I ever owned. At a dime apiece they were a bargain even in the days of the Great Depression and I was blessed to have parents willing to part with a dime to provide me with a book . As mentioned in the conclusion above, BLBs played an important role in my developing an appreciation for books. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I compare it to a child's experience with computers and the internet today.
I would be remiss if I did not give due credit to public libraries for their role in developing an appreciation for books in my early youth. I still remember story book time on Saturday mornings at the local library.
My biggest regret? I did not save my Big Little Books! That's what happens when you have enough money to buy big books.
5/29/09
A letter to Barack
Dear President Obama,
I read in this morning’s paper that the Pentagon envisions a military command which will conduct both offensive and defensive computer warfare. It was also reported that you might sometime in the future appoint a cyber czar.
Computer warfare, cyber czars, drone bombers, space stations - it looks like I should get my old Buck Rogers rocket gun out of storage.
Which brings me to the reason for writing this letter. The Pentagon is going to need a Secretary of Computer Warfare and the White House will be in the market for a Cyber Czar. Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon would make excellent candidates. They have considerable experience with space warfare and sophisticated computers. Take a look at the pictures showing them in action.
I have no idea where these gentlemen reside or if they are still alive. I’m sure that Director Panetta will have no difficulty finding them. He might start right in his own backyard.
If the vetting process ever gets started, I hope you will disregard the rumors that Flash got his name because he is a flasher. Neither the CIA nor the FBI will find any records of a conviction. As for Buck, his only drawback is that he has a four letter word for a first name. Originally his name was Willard. I’m sure he would agree to going back to Willard.
By the way when you talk to Leon, have him take another look at Dick Cheney’s background. He bears some resemblance to Emperor Ming ( I've enclosed a picture). Flash was supposed to have vanquished him but I’m not too sure.
Barack, hope you pardon the familiarity , I’ve noticed that lately you’re not smiling as much as you used to. I can understand why, but don’t let the bastards get you down. With Buck and Flash helping you, the job will be a breeze but watch out for Ming!
Got to log off of the computer, someone is trying to hack in. Wish you had that cyber czar!
Tony
( Remember me? The guy who sent you a couple of bucks)
I read in this morning’s paper that the Pentagon envisions a military command which will conduct both offensive and defensive computer warfare. It was also reported that you might sometime in the future appoint a cyber czar.
Computer warfare, cyber czars, drone bombers, space stations - it looks like I should get my old Buck Rogers rocket gun out of storage.
Which brings me to the reason for writing this letter. The Pentagon is going to need a Secretary of Computer Warfare and the White House will be in the market for a Cyber Czar. Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon would make excellent candidates. They have considerable experience with space warfare and sophisticated computers. Take a look at the pictures showing them in action.
I have no idea where these gentlemen reside or if they are still alive. I’m sure that Director Panetta will have no difficulty finding them. He might start right in his own backyard.
If the vetting process ever gets started, I hope you will disregard the rumors that Flash got his name because he is a flasher. Neither the CIA nor the FBI will find any records of a conviction. As for Buck, his only drawback is that he has a four letter word for a first name. Originally his name was Willard. I’m sure he would agree to going back to Willard.
By the way when you talk to Leon, have him take another look at Dick Cheney’s background. He bears some resemblance to Emperor Ming ( I've enclosed a picture). Flash was supposed to have vanquished him but I’m not too sure.
Barack, hope you pardon the familiarity , I’ve noticed that lately you’re not smiling as much as you used to. I can understand why, but don’t let the bastards get you down. With Buck and Flash helping you, the job will be a breeze but watch out for Ming!
Got to log off of the computer, someone is trying to hack in. Wish you had that cyber czar!
Tony
( Remember me? The guy who sent you a couple of bucks)
5/28/09
Senior Citizen Day
Senior Citizen Day, May 19th, was a total bust! I didn't realize it had come and gone until this morning. No cards, no flowers, no phone calls. It was a day like all days - one day older.
I had expected some recognition of the day in the paper and the evening news. Nary a word. Of course I didn't look in the obituaries. They may have isolated the departed seniors in some sort of special spread.
The fact that the day went unnoticed is probably good. Too much attention directed towards old people make the young people wonder why they are still around.
Recognition? The Ohio Department On Aging has a Senior Hall of Fame! Ten seniors were recently admitted for their contributions to society. Two were deceased. I'm sure they are celebrating the recognition that eluded them in life.
The field of seniors eligible for the Hall of Fame is limited. I'm pretty sure that no one who has been on steroids or testosterone therapy is eligible. There is hardly a senior who doesn't owe being a senior to some drug. Former baseball players are automatically excluded from the Senior Hall of Fame since it so difficult to determine whether or not they were on steroids.
For the record , I didn't make it into the Hall.
I had expected some recognition of the day in the paper and the evening news. Nary a word. Of course I didn't look in the obituaries. They may have isolated the departed seniors in some sort of special spread.
The fact that the day went unnoticed is probably good. Too much attention directed towards old people make the young people wonder why they are still around.
Recognition? The Ohio Department On Aging has a Senior Hall of Fame! Ten seniors were recently admitted for their contributions to society. Two were deceased. I'm sure they are celebrating the recognition that eluded them in life.
The field of seniors eligible for the Hall of Fame is limited. I'm pretty sure that no one who has been on steroids or testosterone therapy is eligible. There is hardly a senior who doesn't owe being a senior to some drug. Former baseball players are automatically excluded from the Senior Hall of Fame since it so difficult to determine whether or not they were on steroids.
For the record , I didn't make it into the Hall.
5/26/09
Sez who?
Don’t steal a base when the opposing team is winning by a big score
Don’t hit a batter in the head to retaliate for a team breaking an unwritten rule
I got interested in “unwritten rules” after reading the account of a Indians/Rays game where the Indians pitcher intentionally almost “beaned” a player. Apparently this player in a previous game had the audacity to steal two bases even though the Indians were ahead 9 to zip. This is a no-no. The player was not showing respect for the game. He broke an unwritten rule and deserved to be punished. The Indians pitcher was the executioner and meted out justice with a 96mph fast ball to the batters body. In defense of the pitcher he did not break another unwritten rule which declares that thou shall not hit a batter in the head.
This really makes a lot of nonsense. You're way behind , don’t try to score by stealing bases , you must do it the hard way - a hit at a time. If its a close game, steal bases to your hearts content. In addition to a designated hitter, in the future teams will be required to carry a designated lawyer on their staff whose sole job will be to interpret unwritten rules.
Unfortunately not all the players are familiar with these unwritten rules. They are not posted in the clubhouse.
If they were posted, they no longer would be unwritten rules. That would create chaos in the world of baseball. Everyone would have to play by the rules and that would make for a dull game.
What is perplexing is that even though the unwritten rules have not been posted in the clubhouse they are written (The Book of Unwritten Baseball Rules). What’s missing are the unwritten rules for dealing with those who break the written - unwritten rules.
By the way, it’s unclear as to who authors an unwritten rule. In reality unwritten rules are merely hearsay. The only unwritten rule cast in concrete is - "Anything goes if you can get away with it". That’s what we have umpires for . Play ball!
( The Indians beat the Rays last night, 11 to 10, scoring seven runs in the last of the ninth. They played by the unwritten rules - no base stealing. For eight innings they misinterpreted the written rules. They thought they could win by not scoring runs. In the ninth they played by the unwritten rules - don't give up the ship, don't desert a sinking ship, damn the torpedoes - full speed ahead, a walk a day will keep the doctor away! )
Don’t hit a batter in the head to retaliate for a team breaking an unwritten rule
I got interested in “unwritten rules” after reading the account of a Indians/Rays game where the Indians pitcher intentionally almost “beaned” a player. Apparently this player in a previous game had the audacity to steal two bases even though the Indians were ahead 9 to zip. This is a no-no. The player was not showing respect for the game. He broke an unwritten rule and deserved to be punished. The Indians pitcher was the executioner and meted out justice with a 96mph fast ball to the batters body. In defense of the pitcher he did not break another unwritten rule which declares that thou shall not hit a batter in the head.
This really makes a lot of nonsense. You're way behind , don’t try to score by stealing bases , you must do it the hard way - a hit at a time. If its a close game, steal bases to your hearts content. In addition to a designated hitter, in the future teams will be required to carry a designated lawyer on their staff whose sole job will be to interpret unwritten rules.
Unfortunately not all the players are familiar with these unwritten rules. They are not posted in the clubhouse.
If they were posted, they no longer would be unwritten rules. That would create chaos in the world of baseball. Everyone would have to play by the rules and that would make for a dull game.
What is perplexing is that even though the unwritten rules have not been posted in the clubhouse they are written (The Book of Unwritten Baseball Rules). What’s missing are the unwritten rules for dealing with those who break the written - unwritten rules.
By the way, it’s unclear as to who authors an unwritten rule. In reality unwritten rules are merely hearsay. The only unwritten rule cast in concrete is - "Anything goes if you can get away with it". That’s what we have umpires for . Play ball!
( The Indians beat the Rays last night, 11 to 10, scoring seven runs in the last of the ninth. They played by the unwritten rules - no base stealing. For eight innings they misinterpreted the written rules. They thought they could win by not scoring runs. In the ninth they played by the unwritten rules - don't give up the ship, don't desert a sinking ship, damn the torpedoes - full speed ahead, a walk a day will keep the doctor away! )
5/22/09
Cheney Scares Me
If this were anyplace other than The United States, the debate between President Obama and ex-President Cheney ( not a typo, its now affirmed that he ran the country, not "W") would scare the hell out of me. The attack on Obama's terrorist policies by Cheney resemble the rhetoric in a banana republic prior to a coup. Disturbing also is the lack of support being demonstrated by Obama's own party. Obama's pragmatic approach to national security makes sense. It's time for the Democratic leadership in the Congress to support Obama's policies in no uncertain terms. I know I'm overreacting , but now that Cheney has unmasked himself he is really scary!
5/19/09
The Case of The Lost Cliche Draft
Joe The Blogger was in a rut. None of his postings packed a wallop. As a matter of fact his blog had been flagged as being too squeaky clean . His blog being flushed down the toilet by Blogger was eminent.
One night while in his cups, Joe saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It turned out to be an oncoming train. In the nick of time he got his car off the tracks and hit the hay. When he first saw the light of day he decided that the only way to save his blog was to put his nose to the grindstone. It would have been easier to bite the bullet and start writing but the grindstone did wonders for his allergies.
It was no use. Everything he wrote was trite. Trite! Of course, write a post about clichés and the more clichés the merrier! Joe remembered reading somewhere that clichés are spoken or written by someone who is not thinking much about what he is saying or writing. That suited him to a tee. He put the pedal to the metal and started to write his cliché essay masterpiece. It was not only trite but it was banal. Surely the Blogger people would have second thoughts.
After burning the midnight oil, Joe decided to put off publishing his post until morning. At the crack of dawn, Joe rolled out of bed an rushed to his computer.
Joe turned on the computer and signed into blogger. Lets see, edit posts ….. It should be right there in draft form. Heavens to Betsy , the draft was gone!
He was now between a rock and a hard place. Should he try writing his post again? Was there anyone who could help retrieve the missing draft. The choice was easy. This was a case for Inspector Dick Sean Ari, the greatest word sleuth in the country.
Inspector Ari and his sidekick Hoyle took the case. They dived right in. Ari and Hoyle made short work of examining the computer. Joe was right, nowhere on the hard drive could they find a post draft. Inspector Ari became very suspicious. How could a post draft be missing from the hard drive unless it was never there. More to the point, according to Hoyle, until this day the computer had not been used in a week.
Another look around the room and the case was solved. There were at least five empty bourbon bottles scattered around the room. Joe had been stewed to his gills the last few days.
Inspector Ari pulled some crumpled papers out of the waste paper basket. There it was, a blog post written in the old fashioned way, pencil and paper. Joe did write the blog post, but not on the computer.
Joe had his blog post and was sober enough to get it into the computer. It was all in a day’s work for Inspector Ari.
Don’t bother looking for Joe The Blogger’s blog. Blogger shit canned his blog.
One night while in his cups, Joe saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It turned out to be an oncoming train. In the nick of time he got his car off the tracks and hit the hay. When he first saw the light of day he decided that the only way to save his blog was to put his nose to the grindstone. It would have been easier to bite the bullet and start writing but the grindstone did wonders for his allergies.
It was no use. Everything he wrote was trite. Trite! Of course, write a post about clichés and the more clichés the merrier! Joe remembered reading somewhere that clichés are spoken or written by someone who is not thinking much about what he is saying or writing. That suited him to a tee. He put the pedal to the metal and started to write his cliché essay masterpiece. It was not only trite but it was banal. Surely the Blogger people would have second thoughts.
After burning the midnight oil, Joe decided to put off publishing his post until morning. At the crack of dawn, Joe rolled out of bed an rushed to his computer.
Joe turned on the computer and signed into blogger. Lets see, edit posts ….. It should be right there in draft form. Heavens to Betsy , the draft was gone!
He was now between a rock and a hard place. Should he try writing his post again? Was there anyone who could help retrieve the missing draft. The choice was easy. This was a case for Inspector Dick Sean Ari, the greatest word sleuth in the country.
Inspector Ari and his sidekick Hoyle took the case. They dived right in. Ari and Hoyle made short work of examining the computer. Joe was right, nowhere on the hard drive could they find a post draft. Inspector Ari became very suspicious. How could a post draft be missing from the hard drive unless it was never there. More to the point, according to Hoyle, until this day the computer had not been used in a week.
Another look around the room and the case was solved. There were at least five empty bourbon bottles scattered around the room. Joe had been stewed to his gills the last few days.
Inspector Ari pulled some crumpled papers out of the waste paper basket. There it was, a blog post written in the old fashioned way, pencil and paper. Joe did write the blog post, but not on the computer.
Joe had his blog post and was sober enough to get it into the computer. It was all in a day’s work for Inspector Ari.
Don’t bother looking for Joe The Blogger’s blog. Blogger shit canned his blog.
5/18/09
Unbeliveable!
As reported today in GQ - this link shows the actual graphics of the crusader war porn that Donald Rumsfeld fed to George Bush on a daily basis. American lives continue to be lost daily because of this crap!
5/17/09
Yes We Can! But What's The Hurry
I firmly believe that "Yes We Can" got Barack Obama elected President of The United States. It sure got my vote. In retrospect I must confess that idealism got the best of me. There will be change but not nearly at the pace that Obama implied. The economic mess he inherited certinly put a few potholes in the road to change but something more important happened. Obama the idealistic campaigner morphed into Obama the pragmatic President.
Pragmatism is not bad. In the long run it produces more lasting change. Key words - in the long run. Politics and change make reluctant partners. Congress resembles the committee that designed the camel. The product is not always pretty but eventually it will get the job done. Obama is enough of a pragmatist to realize that he cannot get change as fast as his oratory implied without changing the very institution whose support he needs. A formidable task - change will come slowly!
Case in point, imposing a mandatory limit on climate-altering gases . Save the earth! Yes , but not so fast. Eventually we'll have a system that sets a government ceiling on total emissions and allows polluting industries to buy and sell permits to meet it. Sounds like Congress with Obama's blessing will design another camel. It also looks like the draft system used in the Civil War era. ( From a Theory to a Consensus on Emissions ).
Obama the pragmatist is not an unwelcome change even though it is not the change he promised. As long as he remains a strong and resolute leader who can prod a bulky Congress we will eventually get change. There will be enough time for Obama the idealist to reimerge in 2012.
Pragmatism is not bad. In the long run it produces more lasting change. Key words - in the long run. Politics and change make reluctant partners. Congress resembles the committee that designed the camel. The product is not always pretty but eventually it will get the job done. Obama is enough of a pragmatist to realize that he cannot get change as fast as his oratory implied without changing the very institution whose support he needs. A formidable task - change will come slowly!
Case in point, imposing a mandatory limit on climate-altering gases . Save the earth! Yes , but not so fast. Eventually we'll have a system that sets a government ceiling on total emissions and allows polluting industries to buy and sell permits to meet it. Sounds like Congress with Obama's blessing will design another camel. It also looks like the draft system used in the Civil War era. ( From a Theory to a Consensus on Emissions ).
Obama the pragmatist is not an unwelcome change even though it is not the change he promised. As long as he remains a strong and resolute leader who can prod a bulky Congress we will eventually get change. There will be enough time for Obama the idealist to reimerge in 2012.
5/15/09
All Is Well
I put my humming bird feeder out a couple of days ago and today I got my first visitor. The nectar must have been good since his visit was a long one. If someone spots an intoxicated humming bird flying around its my friend - tell him he didn't pay his bar tab. Finch feeders and humming bird feeders - life doesn't get any better.5/14/09
Have The Boy Scouts Gone Mad?
Filling my computer screen was a bunch of twerps manning automatic rifles. Probably some boy soldier group in a third world country. Wrong! These were red-blooded American boys.
Jennifer Steinhauer had an article in today’s New York Times under the headline Scouts Train to Fight Terrorists, and More. Quoting from the article:
“The Explorers program, a coeducational affiliate of the Boy Scouts of America that began 60 years ago, is training thousands of young people in skills used to confront terrorism, illegal immigration and escalating border violence — an intense ratcheting up of one of the group’s longtime missions to prepare youths for more traditional jobs as police officers and firefighters.”
There has to be a better way to train youths to be firefighters and police officers. Putting a gun in their hands, somehow strikes me as overkill. Ensuring that they get an education which prepares them for adulthood should be the first priority. If someone wants to be a police officer or firefighter the time to train them is when they are adults and have made a responsible decision. Dwelling on the following further infuriated me.
“This is about being a true-blooded American guy and girl,” said A. J. Lowenthal, a sheriff’s deputy here in Imperial County, whose life clock, he says, is set around the Explorers events he helps run. “It fits right in with the honor and bravery of the Boy Scouts.”
The Boy Scouts of America evidently have come a long way since I first pledged to do a good deed a day. Is it their aim to become The Boy Army of America?
Jennifer Steinhauer had an article in today’s New York Times under the headline Scouts Train to Fight Terrorists, and More. Quoting from the article:
“The Explorers program, a coeducational affiliate of the Boy Scouts of America that began 60 years ago, is training thousands of young people in skills used to confront terrorism, illegal immigration and escalating border violence — an intense ratcheting up of one of the group’s longtime missions to prepare youths for more traditional jobs as police officers and firefighters.”
There has to be a better way to train youths to be firefighters and police officers. Putting a gun in their hands, somehow strikes me as overkill. Ensuring that they get an education which prepares them for adulthood should be the first priority. If someone wants to be a police officer or firefighter the time to train them is when they are adults and have made a responsible decision. Dwelling on the following further infuriated me.
“This is about being a true-blooded American guy and girl,” said A. J. Lowenthal, a sheriff’s deputy here in Imperial County, whose life clock, he says, is set around the Explorers events he helps run. “It fits right in with the honor and bravery of the Boy Scouts.”
The Boy Scouts of America evidently have come a long way since I first pledged to do a good deed a day. Is it their aim to become The Boy Army of America?
5/12/09
The Slide Rule Ruled
The first thing I learned when I arrived on campus was that engineering students were required to have a slip sticks. A slip stick? It sounded obscene! What had gone wrong with my education, I had never heard of one. An upper classman patiently explained that a slip stick was a slide rule which was used to rapidly make all kinds of scientific calculations. As he hit my head with the slip stick , he made it clear that without one I’d never get through the first semester.
Off to the college book store to purchase my slip stick. The slip stick of choice was a twelve inch log-log K&E. Some of the wealthier students opted for the twenty-two inch model. Compared to the twelve inch slide rule , it was like owning an I-Mac laptop. The Dell version would have to do.Owning a slide rule and making it slip out the correct answer are two different things. After panicking at the thought that I would have to admit that the damn thing was completely foreign to me I settled down. To my relief , freshmen were offered a seminar on how to use a slide rule. The seminar was packed. I wasn’t the only jerk on campus.
Upon reflection, learning to use a slide rule was much easier than mastering Windows and spreadsheets but not nearly the fun.
Picking out an engineering student on campus was easy. Anyone toting a twelve inch long rectangular black case from their belt was an engineer-in-the-making. And tote it we did- it was a badge of honor ( liberal arts students considered it a badge of “nerdism”).
It wasn’t long before I discovered that getting through an exam was impossible without a slide rule. How well you did on the exam was a direct product of how well you used a slip stick. During an exam you could almost smell wood burning as slip sticks were put through their paces.Its amazing that there was so much technological progress before the age of the computer. I’m sure the inventors of the transistor ,which laid the foundation for the computer, had a slip stick on their desk as they waded through solid state physics.
I ‘m going to take another loving look of my slide rule, put it back in its black case and then get about the business of selecting another computer. I’ll probably do as I did many years ago when selecting a slide rule and go for the twelve inch model rather than the twenty-two inch model. Wish I could hang it from my belt. My God, I can - an I-Phone with all the bells and whistles would be great! They say Twitter is becoming more popular than blogging. On the other hand, why not a nice lap top in a black bag which I could sling over my shoulder and look hip, cool but definitely not nerdy.
5/11/09
Politics And Comedians
Presidents make lousy comedians! The White House press corps should find other ways to entertain themselves. Politics can be ludricous enough left to its own ways !
5/6/09
Back To Seniors
I now find out that there is still another category of Older Americans. The State Of Ohio also celebrates Young Seniors. True to form that category is reserved for boomers. In the world of aging Americans we now have:
- Older Americans
- Senior Citizens
- Young Seniors
- Whining Seniors
- Senior Illegal Aliens
- Older Illegal Aliens
- Decrepit Seniors
- Old People
- Seniors In Denial
5/4/09
Charge-A-Plates Revisited
Defeat! Raise the white flag! Retreat! Now I know how Napoleon must have felt after Waterloo. I foolishly tried to engage the high primal thinker in another bout aimed at getting rid of Department store credit cards or as she calls them “ charge-a-plates”.
What prompted this moment of bravery? A notice from one store that effective with the next billing cycle the interest rate on unpaid balances would be increased to some outrageous amount. The notice was filled with all kinds of mumbo-jumbo, almost threatening. It did include an option to opt out.
Surely the tone of the notice and the implication that their credit card, I mean their charge-a-plate holders, were deadbeats would arouse the Irish in my high primal thinker. Sure enough, after reading the notice she in no uncertain terms told me to cut up the card , I mean the plate, and opt out.
Victory! A charge-a-plate ( I got that right, practice makes perfect ) was about to bite the dust.
Before I had a chance to get out the scissors my high primal thinker suddenly had some questions - she is far from stupid. "Wasn’t it true that we did not carry a balance on the plate? If so what difference did it make that they were raising the interest rate?" The answers were “yes’ and “none”. I was trapped and could see defeat being snatched from the jaws of victory.
One more try! “It’s the principle of the thing, they are treating you like a deadbeat”! The high primal reply, “But if we get rid of the plate, I can’t take advantage of their specials. Remember the bargain I got on that sweater . As long as we pay it off and ----------.”
For the high primal thinker charge-a-plates will always be a necessity. The war was indeed lost. I did salvage some self-respect . I viciously shredded my credit card from the same Department store. Hell , I could always use hers if indeed there was a bargain to be had.
What prompted this moment of bravery? A notice from one store that effective with the next billing cycle the interest rate on unpaid balances would be increased to some outrageous amount. The notice was filled with all kinds of mumbo-jumbo, almost threatening. It did include an option to opt out.
Surely the tone of the notice and the implication that their credit card, I mean their charge-a-plate holders, were deadbeats would arouse the Irish in my high primal thinker. Sure enough, after reading the notice she in no uncertain terms told me to cut up the card , I mean the plate, and opt out.
Victory! A charge-a-plate ( I got that right, practice makes perfect ) was about to bite the dust.
Before I had a chance to get out the scissors my high primal thinker suddenly had some questions - she is far from stupid. "Wasn’t it true that we did not carry a balance on the plate? If so what difference did it make that they were raising the interest rate?" The answers were “yes’ and “none”. I was trapped and could see defeat being snatched from the jaws of victory.
One more try! “It’s the principle of the thing, they are treating you like a deadbeat”! The high primal reply, “But if we get rid of the plate, I can’t take advantage of their specials. Remember the bargain I got on that sweater . As long as we pay it off and ----------.”
For the high primal thinker charge-a-plates will always be a necessity. The war was indeed lost. I did salvage some self-respect . I viciously shredded my credit card from the same Department store. Hell , I could always use hers if indeed there was a bargain to be had.
5/2/09
Older Americans Month
Where have I been all these years? I just discovered that since 1977 May is observed nationwide as Older Americans Month. In addition the third Tuesday in May is observed as Senior Citizens Day. Wow! One whole month devoted to people like me. It doesn’t get any better.
Hold up a minute. May is Older Americans Month. The third Tuesday in May is Senior Citizens Day. If I’m not mistaken Older Americans are Senior Citizens, so what’s so special about the third Tuesday? Unless my gray cells have faded away it looks like overkill. On the other hand, is it because Senior Citizens are a subset of Older Americans? I can hardly wait for the third Tuesday to roll around to experience the adulation of my friends and family. My guess is that someone had a senior moment and the third Tuesday will be like all Tuesdays -the day after Monday!
So why do Governor’s go out of their way to proclaim an Older Americans Month? For one thing they need our vote. Aside from that it appears that there is a desire to celebrate the contributions older citizens have made to society. Supposedly it is a chance for communities to give back and recognize the accomplishments of their elders. That being the case, how come it has taken me thirty-two years to find out that May is a special month for old codgers.
I got my answer by reading on about Older Americans Month. Apparently it will encourage seniors to celebrate their uniqueness and redefine what it means to grow old. The idea is to age actively and to live life to the fullest . Ohio's theme for Older Americans Month 2009 is: "Reinvent Yourself, Reinvent Aging."
I’m all for that. Get rid of the walkers and the canes, get a prescription for Viagara, dye your hair, learn to Twitter, buy a convertible. If you don’t dwell on being a senior you could care less about special months and days to remind you that you are older than you think. What’s the old adage , “There is no fool like an old fool”.
One final thought , why May to celebrate seniors? September seems more appropriate. The September Song lyrics make a case for a realistic assessment of being a senior.
Oh, it's a long, long while
From May to December
But the days grow short,
When you reach September.
When the autumn weather
Turn leaves to flame
One hasn't got time
For the waiting game.
Oh the days dwindle down
To a precious few . . .
September, November . . .
And these few precious days
I'll spend with you.
Songwriters: Anderson, Maxwell; Weill, Kurt
Hold up a minute. May is Older Americans Month. The third Tuesday in May is Senior Citizens Day. If I’m not mistaken Older Americans are Senior Citizens, so what’s so special about the third Tuesday? Unless my gray cells have faded away it looks like overkill. On the other hand, is it because Senior Citizens are a subset of Older Americans? I can hardly wait for the third Tuesday to roll around to experience the adulation of my friends and family. My guess is that someone had a senior moment and the third Tuesday will be like all Tuesdays -the day after Monday!
So why do Governor’s go out of their way to proclaim an Older Americans Month? For one thing they need our vote. Aside from that it appears that there is a desire to celebrate the contributions older citizens have made to society. Supposedly it is a chance for communities to give back and recognize the accomplishments of their elders. That being the case, how come it has taken me thirty-two years to find out that May is a special month for old codgers.
I got my answer by reading on about Older Americans Month. Apparently it will encourage seniors to celebrate their uniqueness and redefine what it means to grow old. The idea is to age actively and to live life to the fullest . Ohio's theme for Older Americans Month 2009 is: "Reinvent Yourself, Reinvent Aging."
I’m all for that. Get rid of the walkers and the canes, get a prescription for Viagara, dye your hair, learn to Twitter, buy a convertible. If you don’t dwell on being a senior you could care less about special months and days to remind you that you are older than you think. What’s the old adage , “There is no fool like an old fool”.
One final thought , why May to celebrate seniors? September seems more appropriate. The September Song lyrics make a case for a realistic assessment of being a senior.
Oh, it's a long, long while
From May to December
But the days grow short,
When you reach September.
When the autumn weather
Turn leaves to flame
One hasn't got time
For the waiting game.
Oh the days dwindle down
To a precious few . . .
September, November . . .
And these few precious days
I'll spend with you.
Songwriters: Anderson, Maxwell; Weill, Kurt
4/29/09
Happy 100th Day
Glad the 100th day of the Obama presidency has finally arrived. Evidentally he got a good report card. I suspect that all the networks except Fox have agreed to let him continue with his presidency. Looking forward to the next 1360 days!
4/28/09
Hold The Celebrating
Specter joins the Democrats! I can imagine the machinations the Republicans are going through to deny the Democrats that magical 60th vote in the Senate. By this time the Republicans have probably promised Lieberman the 2012 nomination if he joins their caucus.
4/27/09
Today's Headlines
Swine Flu Spreads From Mexico To The United States- was this part of NAFTA?
Doctor Shortage Hampers Obama's Health Care Initiative - I didn't know that we needed a doctor to heal a broken health care system. But then again they broke it in the first place!
Geithner Forged Strong Ties With Wall Street Executives - during his time as President of the New York Federal Reserve Geithner got very chummy with Wall Street executives. Am I supposed to be shocked? Who else could understand his finance talk.
More Atheists Shout It From the Rooftops - That's all we need, another movement. Gay movements, pro-life movements, right to life movements, civil rights movements, green earth movements, atheist movements. How about an agnostic movement? Pass the Imodium.
Ellsbury Steals Home As BoSox Sweep Yanks - Whose home did he steal? The Yankees deserve to be swept, they stink!
Doctor Shortage Hampers Obama's Health Care Initiative - I didn't know that we needed a doctor to heal a broken health care system. But then again they broke it in the first place!
Geithner Forged Strong Ties With Wall Street Executives - during his time as President of the New York Federal Reserve Geithner got very chummy with Wall Street executives. Am I supposed to be shocked? Who else could understand his finance talk.
More Atheists Shout It From the Rooftops - That's all we need, another movement. Gay movements, pro-life movements, right to life movements, civil rights movements, green earth movements, atheist movements. How about an agnostic movement? Pass the Imodium.
Ellsbury Steals Home As BoSox Sweep Yanks - Whose home did he steal? The Yankees deserve to be swept, they stink!
4/23/09
It's All About Bats
The Cleveland Indians lost the game last night. I thought it was because of lousy hitting until I picked up this morning's paper and a headline on the first page blared - Bats are quiet as Royals shut out Tribe, 2-0. The Indians lost because the bats were quiet?
Surely great baseball minds would have known that the bats would be quiet last night. It was cold and rainy last night. Don’t play baseball on a cold, rainy night! Bats are quiet in cold weather. They rarely fly in rain - the rain interferes with their echo location, and they are unable to locate their food.
Of course there is a down side to playing baseball when bats are active. It might drive the fans away, especially when the bats belong to the opposing team. The Commisioner should rule that the visiting team must leave their bats at home. Problem solved!
Quiet bats are just another dilemma for the Indians in their young, losing season. Without batting an eye the Manager says that he is analyzing the team’s woes and would make adjustments to Spring training next year. Now there’s an optimistic Manager! What makes him think he’ll be around next year if his team keeps losing. He must have bats in his belfry!
My suggestion is that the team contact the Cleveland Zoo and borrow some bats which are capable of making the ball fly! Balls that fly? Hmmmm.....
Surely great baseball minds would have known that the bats would be quiet last night. It was cold and rainy last night. Don’t play baseball on a cold, rainy night! Bats are quiet in cold weather. They rarely fly in rain - the rain interferes with their echo location, and they are unable to locate their food.
Of course there is a down side to playing baseball when bats are active. It might drive the fans away, especially when the bats belong to the opposing team. The Commisioner should rule that the visiting team must leave their bats at home. Problem solved!
Quiet bats are just another dilemma for the Indians in their young, losing season. Without batting an eye the Manager says that he is analyzing the team’s woes and would make adjustments to Spring training next year. Now there’s an optimistic Manager! What makes him think he’ll be around next year if his team keeps losing. He must have bats in his belfry!
My suggestion is that the team contact the Cleveland Zoo and borrow some bats which are capable of making the ball fly! Balls that fly? Hmmmm.....
4/20/09
What's With The Name Calling?
The political arena these days resembles an elementary school playground! The GOP bullies are out in force calling Obama and his administration everything in the books.
References to socialism and even fascism are glibly tossed about . I guess its supposed to make us rise up in anger and toss the bastards out.
I wonder if their strategists recall that playground chant, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. ...".
If the Obama administration needs a label , how about " a bunch of liberal pragmatists". I'll vote for that.
References to socialism and even fascism are glibly tossed about . I guess its supposed to make us rise up in anger and toss the bastards out.
I wonder if their strategists recall that playground chant, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. ...".
If the Obama administration needs a label , how about " a bunch of liberal pragmatists". I'll vote for that.
Know It All Speak!
Read my lips. Take my word for it, its not over until the fat lady sings. That’s the bottom line.
4/19/09
Mission Accomplished
I couldn't help but notice this article in Sunday's New York Times . Baghdad is now secure enough to sin. A city once famous for 1,001 varieties of pleasures is seeing a resurrection of vice . It looks like we've done our job. Saddam Hussein is gone , vice is back, mission accomplished, time to leave!
4/15/09
“boop-oop-be-doop.”
Betty Boop has always been one of my favorite cartoon characters. Betty and I go back a long ways. She is a constant reminder of my youth in the form of a magnet on our refrigerator door. (The door is well insulated so her Jazz Age flapper dress is not a problem.)
Betty Boop was the darling of the Depression days and was one hot babe with her short dresses, high heels,a garter belt. and a cleavage which would not quit. She would put our modern day floozies to shame.
So where is all this headed? Well in search of some Betty Boop cartoons on You Tube I came upon a startling revelation. One Betty Boop cartoon was banned from TV! My Betty got herself in some hot water. She took part in a cartoon with racial overtones and suffered the same fate as Don Imus. Notwithstanding the racial overtones,it was funny. As for the racist aspects, I realized that when the cartoon was made it was very much in tune with life as it was the 1930’s. It is shocking now only because we have come a long way in respect to stereotypes. You can judge for yourself.
4/12/09
More On Honorary Degrees
4/11/09
ASU Has Something For The President
Arizona State University has reconsidered and will honor the President when he gives their commencement address. Obama will be honored with a program named The President Barack Obama Scholars. NO HONORARY DEGREE!!
As I understand it , Obama will be invited to dinner, dinner will be served in the kitchen, he pays for his dinner with an entertaining speech, and he gets to take home any leftovers.
As I understand it , Obama will be invited to dinner, dinner will be served in the kitchen, he pays for his dinner with an entertaining speech, and he gets to take home any leftovers.
Arizona State Snubs Obama
What is it with Barack Obama and universities? Yet another institution of questionable learning has dissed the President. He may speak but no degree. Obama should consider using a different deodorant when he's around hallowed universities such as Arizona State. Better yet, why honor any of them until they have proven worthy of hosting the President of The United States. ( How the hell did "George the Bush" earn those honorary degrees? I know , he learned English as a second language.)
I understand Arizona State is reconsidering its decision not to award Obama a honorary degree. How nice! How long will the debate last?
I understand Arizona State is reconsidering its decision not to award Obama a honorary degree. How nice! How long will the debate last?
Mad As A Wet Hen
I always thought that " mad as a wet hen" was the perfect way to describe someone who was furious or upset. As a matter of fact, whoever coined the expression " mad as a wet hen" was talking through his hat. I understand that rarely if wet do hens get upset. I'm mad as a wet rooster!
4/9/09
Notre Dame- A University Or A Temple
Notre Dame is usually described as a prestigious university. Events of the last week have me questioning that description. Some Holy Cross priest/professors together with their flock of close minded students are protesting the right of The President of The United States to speak at their university's commencement. The issue is Obama's views on abortion. The implication to me is that no one who disagrees with the Catholic viewpoint should be allowed on the campus of the esteemed Notre Dame University.
If this protest is successful does it mean that home football games against colleges and universities carrying abortion rights supporters on their squads will be cancelled? Will students who do not pass the abortion litmus test be expelled?
Protesting against abortion is the right of any student or priest. If they insist on making it a stand of their university, then a prestigious university will morph into a prestigious temple.
If this protest is successful does it mean that home football games against colleges and universities carrying abortion rights supporters on their squads will be cancelled? Will students who do not pass the abortion litmus test be expelled?
Protesting against abortion is the right of any student or priest. If they insist on making it a stand of their university, then a prestigious university will morph into a prestigious temple.
4/8/09
Looking Back At The Great Depression
The Ohio Department of Aging is soliciting stories from Ohioans who lived through the Great Depression of the 1930s so that the sacrifices they made and the lessons they learned may be shared with other generations currently facing tough economic times. Other generations facing tough economic times? Sounded like “brother can you spare a dime”. A dime I’ve got as well as the time, so I thought I’d send reams of data. It turned out my data wasn’t worth a plug nickel. No tear jerking experiences, just some thoughts on the Great Depression. I’m sure the ODA wanted some cerebral views along with the tear jerking and chest pounding views it was sure to get, so I e-mailed them these words for their archives.
How did I live through the Depression of 1930’s? I thought surely I had a lot to share. My struggles, my sacrifices, my adaptations. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks ( couldn’t resist the cliché)! It wasn’t so bad. Why, because if you were poor before The Great Depression, being poor during The Great Depression was not traumatic. Besides, living in an ethnic ghetto as a young boy you really did not know how green the grass was on the other side of the fence ( I swear clichés came out of The Great Depression).
During the Depression my diet did not change, my threadbare clothes did not change. I did not go hungry and all my basic needs were provided. Yes, my parents lost the house and my father lost his job. One thing he didn’t loose was his spirit. Through the W.P.A., aid from veterans organizations and community gardens provided by the city we survived. No one griped other than an occasional “that SOB, Hoover” from my mother.
I do remember my father coming home from his W.P.A. job one wintry morning, his ears twice their normal size from frost bite.
Boys my age carted a shoeshine box downtown to shine the shoes of those could afford a dime. Boys my age hawking newspapers on the street was not uncommon. Playing with a makeshift football - salt sack full of leaves- on the street was fun. Most people walked to stores , their place of work or a welfare agency. Again, they walked before the Depression also - cars were always scarce in my neighborhood.
The Great Depression years taught several lessons. Get an education - learn how the other half lives! From my father, no sacrifice is too great for the welfare of your family. If adversity strikes don’t whine- adapt!
As much as some may complain about big government, it was big government that got us through The Great Depression ( with a little help from Hitler)!
How did I live through the Depression of 1930’s? I thought surely I had a lot to share. My struggles, my sacrifices, my adaptations. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks ( couldn’t resist the cliché)! It wasn’t so bad. Why, because if you were poor before The Great Depression, being poor during The Great Depression was not traumatic. Besides, living in an ethnic ghetto as a young boy you really did not know how green the grass was on the other side of the fence ( I swear clichés came out of The Great Depression).
During the Depression my diet did not change, my threadbare clothes did not change. I did not go hungry and all my basic needs were provided. Yes, my parents lost the house and my father lost his job. One thing he didn’t loose was his spirit. Through the W.P.A., aid from veterans organizations and community gardens provided by the city we survived. No one griped other than an occasional “that SOB, Hoover” from my mother.
I do remember my father coming home from his W.P.A. job one wintry morning, his ears twice their normal size from frost bite.
Boys my age carted a shoeshine box downtown to shine the shoes of those could afford a dime. Boys my age hawking newspapers on the street was not uncommon. Playing with a makeshift football - salt sack full of leaves- on the street was fun. Most people walked to stores , their place of work or a welfare agency. Again, they walked before the Depression also - cars were always scarce in my neighborhood.
The Great Depression years taught several lessons. Get an education - learn how the other half lives! From my father, no sacrifice is too great for the welfare of your family. If adversity strikes don’t whine- adapt!
As much as some may complain about big government, it was big government that got us through The Great Depression ( with a little help from Hitler)!
Our Money's Worth
Just thinking about Barack Obama's itinerary during the past week leaves me exhausted. Whatever we're paying him , we certainly are getting our money's worth. He deserves a vacation when he gets back. The first Republican to gripe that he's taking time off during a crisis should be put on an ice flo!
4/7/09
A Tale That Did Not Need To Be Told ( Or How To Flush Your Mind Of Clichés)
Joe The Hedge Fund Broker was raking the money in hand over fist. He and his partner Dinah were living it up as if there was no tomorrow. “Work hard and play hard” was Joe’s motto while Dinah countered with “shop until you drop”.
Tomorrow came nevertheless. Joe was so busy trading derivatives that he had no time to sink his teeth into the Wall Street Journal financial reports or even to lend an ear to CNBC pundits. The handwriting was on the wall but he did everything by the seat of his pants and inevitably was caught with his pants down.
Joe was sleeping like a baby when Dinah got him up at the crack of dawn. She was as agitated` as a cat on a hot tin roof and handed him the paper. The paper’s headline screamed that the bottom had fallen out of the stock market. To make matters worse Joe’s brokerage was on the verge of bankruptcy. Once he got the cobwebs out of his head he groaned, “Unbelievable, I thought I knew the market like the back of my hand but that‘s the way the ball bounces.”
A distraught Dinah exclaimed “You obviously don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground. You were never able to see the forest for the trees. It looks like we may be living from hand - to - mouth and that‘s not my cup of tea.”
An irritated Joe replied, “Doesn’t that beat the band! I’ve been bringing home the bacon for years and at the first sign of trouble you want to jump ship. I thought our lives were hand in glove!” With that, things went from bad to worse.
“You’ve got it baby! I’m tired of waiting on you hand and foot and being at your beck and call. I was only along for the ride. Now that you’re broke, you can bet your bottom dollar that I’ll be splitting. Living with you hasn’t exactly been a bed of roses. I may take Larry The Cable Guy up his offer .” taunted Dinah.
Giving her the back of his hand, Joe shouted, “That’s the last straw, you pig!.”
“Are you calling me a slut?”
“If the shoe fits, wear it!”
After all the dust settled, Joe and Dinah went their separate ways.
As for Dinah , the bottom line is that Larry The Cable guy was only interested in a one night stand. She ended up with the short end of the stick. As Dinah sampled every Tom, Dick and Harry, Joe began to look pretty good. As a matter of fact she learned through the grapevine that Joe had received a five hundred thousand dollar retention bonus after his firm got a Federal bailout. Dinah decided that the better part of valor would be to let bygones be bygones and to bury the hatchet. Her calls to Joe the Alderman went unanswered! I forgot to mention that Joe is now a politician.
That’s the way the way the cookie crumbles.
Tomorrow came nevertheless. Joe was so busy trading derivatives that he had no time to sink his teeth into the Wall Street Journal financial reports or even to lend an ear to CNBC pundits. The handwriting was on the wall but he did everything by the seat of his pants and inevitably was caught with his pants down.
Joe was sleeping like a baby when Dinah got him up at the crack of dawn. She was as agitated` as a cat on a hot tin roof and handed him the paper. The paper’s headline screamed that the bottom had fallen out of the stock market. To make matters worse Joe’s brokerage was on the verge of bankruptcy. Once he got the cobwebs out of his head he groaned, “Unbelievable, I thought I knew the market like the back of my hand but that‘s the way the ball bounces.”
A distraught Dinah exclaimed “You obviously don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground. You were never able to see the forest for the trees. It looks like we may be living from hand - to - mouth and that‘s not my cup of tea.”
An irritated Joe replied, “Doesn’t that beat the band! I’ve been bringing home the bacon for years and at the first sign of trouble you want to jump ship. I thought our lives were hand in glove!” With that, things went from bad to worse.
“You’ve got it baby! I’m tired of waiting on you hand and foot and being at your beck and call. I was only along for the ride. Now that you’re broke, you can bet your bottom dollar that I’ll be splitting. Living with you hasn’t exactly been a bed of roses. I may take Larry The Cable Guy up his offer .” taunted Dinah.
Giving her the back of his hand, Joe shouted, “That’s the last straw, you pig!.”
“Are you calling me a slut?”
“If the shoe fits, wear it!”
After all the dust settled, Joe and Dinah went their separate ways.
As for Dinah , the bottom line is that Larry The Cable guy was only interested in a one night stand. She ended up with the short end of the stick. As Dinah sampled every Tom, Dick and Harry, Joe began to look pretty good. As a matter of fact she learned through the grapevine that Joe had received a five hundred thousand dollar retention bonus after his firm got a Federal bailout. Dinah decided that the better part of valor would be to let bygones be bygones and to bury the hatchet. Her calls to Joe the Alderman went unanswered! I forgot to mention that Joe is now a politician.
That’s the way the way the cookie crumbles.
4/5/09
Are You Ready For Some Baseball?
Spring training is over and the Indians are ready to play ball. The word is that the players are better prepared than ever. Some unofficial official rumors and outright lies came into this blogger's hands or better yet his imagination.
--Spitting this year will be a sight to behold. It took a minimum of ten spits per minute to make the team! Pity the guy who cleans up the dugout.
--The competition for designated bubble gum blower went right down to the wire. Fans will be thrilled to know that Joe the Blowhard made the team with a three inch diameter bubble.
--According to the Manager, the pitching rotation is all set. New this year will be a carousel at the pitcher's mound which will make it easier to rotate the pitchers. The carousel will be operated by remote control, saving homophobic fans from seeing a pitching coach pat the pitcher on the ass.
--The infielders will be more error free. Cup straightening was proving to be a distraction that kept an infielders hand on his balls rather than the baseball. Trainers have come up with a looser fitting cup. Not all the players are happy about this and feel they are being deprived of an opportunity to advertise their wares. The Players Association may file a grievance claiming an invasion of privacy.
--Perhaps the biggest change that fans will see are the uniforms. Gone are the knee length pants. In are the shoelace length baggy sans belt pants . Only players with clean underwear made the team. It is predicted that there will be much fewer stolen bases this year. Any player caught with his pants down will fined a ten pound bag of salmonella free pistachio nuts.
--During the course of Spring training, any player caught shaving or sporting a crew cut was sent to the minors for further training in proper grooming.
--Also cut from the roster were players not versed in publicly expressing their thanks to a higher being after blasting the hell out of ball ( Baseball And God). No atheists are permitted in the batter‘s box!
Play balls….. Oooops …ball!
4/4/09
A Massacre A Day
With a massacre a day keeping the coroners busy, will Spain indict the NRA for aiding and abetting mass murder?
4/3/09
The Loyal Opposition
Lately the words "loyal opposition" have come out of the mouths of Congressional Republican leaders, John Boehner ,Mitch McConnell and the defeated Republican presidential candidate, Senator John McCain. Is this something new in our politics? Not new but rarely used.The loyal opposition in a democracy is the concept that one can be opposed to the government without being opposed to the constitution or the political system. In time of war , the loyal opposition referred to the party not holding the office of President and meant that it would cooperate fully and without reservation in the war effort.
It is comforting to know that the Republicans are not opposed to the constitution but I doubt this is what they mean when they call themselves the loyal opposition. Do they mean that they will cooperate fully and without reservation in the pursuit of two wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Hardly, they keep second guessing every move the Obama administration makes. So what are they talking about?
My guess is that it is the work of some strategist who sold the leaders on the concept that "the loyal opposition" sounds much more noble then "the minority party". It is also provides cover when they rebuff any attempts of bipartisanship by the Democrats. "As long as you do it my way we'll get along. We don't oppose the constitution but we oppose your right to govern. We are the loyal opposition!"
(cartoon from Chattnooga Times Free Press - Bennett)
4/2/09
Tony's Finch Diner
Tony’s Finch Diner was established in 1995 and is still the diner of choice for connoisseurs of good food among goldfinches, purple finches and house finches. Business is flourishing in spite of the economy since birds prefer to eat out. By word of beak and lately the social networking phenomenon Twitter, birds of a feather have been twittering up a storm about Tony’s Finch Diner.
Birds do not eat like a bird and with the price of thistle going up it is becoming a challenge to maintain the high standards at Tony‘s Finch Diner. Some thought has been given to charging a perch fee but collecting it would be impossible and brings up scenes from the movie “Birds”. Diluting the thistle, cutting down on the number of perches, and shortening the feeder hours were also options but dismissed out of hand. Someone also suggested hiring a cat as a security guard to reduce the traffic. The price would be cheap, all the birds it could eat. The result would be bankruptcy for the Diner and would make a jailbird out of Tony once word got out to the Audubon Society.
Actually the problem is not so difficult to solve. If Tony starts eating like a bird he can afford thistle ( for the birds) no matter how high the price. Moreover, a more healthy life style will reduce health costs and Tony can begin to consider franchising Tony’s Finch Diner. Once the money starts rolling in, its eat, drink and be merry!
3/30/09
Are MBA's Still Relevant?
As the auto industry continues to crumble, I can't help but take a swipe at those arrogant MBA's who thought they would rule the world. Its no wonder that The Ford Motor Company is still hanging in there . Look at who is running it - an engineer! Are MBA's still relevant? Only the humble ones!
3/28/09
Recession Proof Robins
The days are well beyond the official proclamation of Spring but I have yet to see that first robin with a worm in its beak which is my definition of Spring. What I have seen are obese robins dancing around on the lawn, pecking away at insects. How did they get so fat during the horrible winter? They certainly are not a testimony to the recession we are experiencing. What do they know that we don’t know? Nothing! They’re bird brains! They’re too stupid to fret over where the next insect will come from. Live it up today there may not be a tomorrow, that’s their motto. Come to think of it nature’s creatures are recession proof. Well, maybe not those which would make a meal.
3/27/09
Obama's Afghan Strategy
How do we get out of Afghanistan? Obama's Afghan strategy does not make this clear, at least for me. Maybe we should ask the Russians? I sure hope Afghanistan does not result in Obama's Vietnam as some have suggested. Why does history play such a small role in shaping foreign policy and planning military strategy? I sure have a lot of questions with no answers.
This evening's PBS Newshour interview with Envoy Richard Holbrooke and General David Petraeus did much to provide some answers. Worth listening to. Two impressive men who are forming a team that may get us someplace.
This evening's PBS Newshour interview with Envoy Richard Holbrooke and General David Petraeus did much to provide some answers. Worth listening to. Two impressive men who are forming a team that may get us someplace.
3/25/09
Viva Globalization
According to a New York Times report this past Tuesday , Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano called the war against drugs “a demand issue and a supply issue.” Now I understand what’s going on with the violence on the Mexican border. Its all the result of globalization. We have a voracious appetite for drugs, Mexico has tons of drugs, drugs are illegal, drug lords need to kill policeman and each other in order to export the drugs , drug lords need guns to kill and maim (As the CEO of the NRA pointed out, men with the guns make the rules) , we have lots of guns to export . Supply and demand takes over. Drug lords become billionaires, gun suppliers become millionaires, more Americans become druggies, more Mexicans die in the violence. More importantly mideast style violence comes to our shores! Is someone trying to resurrect the Mexican-American War?
3/24/09
The Keyword Is Persistence
For one hour this evening I listened to what I thought was a great press conference held by an articulate, compassionate and well informed President. So I thought! I made the mistake of briefly tuning into " the best political team on television", CNN and quickly found that I had watched the wrong press conference. Obama evidently had a poor night ( probably because he showed some rare anger with the questioning of a CNN reporter). Obama did not have the answer on how soon the deficit will be reduced to zero. Obama keeps saying the same things. The grenades were being lobbied left and right. After turning the experts off I realized that I had in fact watched the Obama press conference and it was great. The experts missed one key point in the conference , its all about persistence. The President is a believer in persistence . He will keep pushing for solutions which will bring about an economic renaissance for this country. There will be failures but he will be persistent in pursuing the fixes generated by his team. What more can we ask for? Put away the grenades and get behind the man who will persist on pushing programs to make us healthy again. As the President said in his conference it would be nice if there were easy answers, then everyone could go home. I have not heard anyone propose better solutions than those of the Obama administration , yet they persist on being committed to seeing him fail. God save America!
A Stimulus Package From Trojan Condoms
I could not believe what I was watching last night during a Sportscenter commercial break on ESPN. The TV screen was suddenly full of Old Glory and an American Eagle. The audio referred to the tough economic times we are having and then hinted that there was a package for surviving . The screen is now full of a Trojan condom package. The audio gives us all hope by emphasizing that together we can survive these hard times. My take, screw your heads off and you will never notice how bad off you are. Trojan's version of a stimulus package sucks! (Did I miss something? I must admit I had been napping Ala Ronald Reagan before viewing the commercial.)
3/23/09
Will Korea Have Its Revenge?
Tonight Korea may finally settle its quarrels with Japan. It will be done on a baseball field and hopefully there will be no bloodshed. (It is rumored that the Korean national team has recruited some aging “ comfort girls” to wield thunder sticks to distract the Japanese players.) It would be fitting for Korea to beat Japan for the championship and thus save countless hours at the United Nations trying to settle their differences.In my opinion ,until tonight, the World Baseball Classic has been duller than watching grass grow at a spring training game. How did Bud Selig arrange Korea vs. Japan for the championship? Japan will emerge victorious. They make better cars.
3/22/09
The President And Comedy
Lately presidential candidates have taken to the talk shows as a campaign gimmick. Unfortunately this calls for trying to be funnier than the comedic host. I can stomach this, since the campaigns these days resemble a TV situation comedy series but once the campaign is over " la comedia e finite" quoting Pagliaccio . Surviving a campaign and being elected President of The United States signals that the luxury of being a comedian is over. Hopefully Obama learned his lesson with the Special Olympics joke on the Leno show. My advice - leave the comedy to the professionals. At the very minimum hire a comedy writer for the White House. I'm sure there would many applicants led by John McCain , followed by those erstwhile comedians Mitch McConnell, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi ,John Boehner and of course Dick Cheney . Joe Biden would be great but he likes his current gig. George the Bush need not apply, he's not very funny.
( I reviewed this post with my high primal thinking spouse and she advised me that I should take Pagliaccio's advice as far as the comedy is concerned. Furthermore she informed me that my suggestion of a comedy writer is not new. Morey Amsterdam was J.F.K's comedy advisor. Back to the drawing board.)
( I reviewed this post with my high primal thinking spouse and she advised me that I should take Pagliaccio's advice as far as the comedy is concerned. Furthermore she informed me that my suggestion of a comedy writer is not new. Morey Amsterdam was J.F.K's comedy advisor. Back to the drawing board.)
3/20/09
Is It Spring Yet?
The calender indicates that spring is here but I'm not quite sure. The robins are hopping around outside but I have yet to see one with a worm in its beak. Until that happens I'm holding back on any yard work in spite of hints from the high primal thinker. Opening day for the Indians might be a better clue that Spring is here but we had a snowstorm last year on opening day. I think I'll wait for summer before getting around to any yard work. I doubt that I'll get away with it. Just remembered , I got rid of the yard tools when we moved last fall. If the high primal thinker has any coupons , I may invest in some new ones - made in the U.S.A. Obama would like that but the problem is ,the last I heard garden tools are now made in China. Looks like I won't be doing much garden work. I could hire it out. That will keep the job loss problem in check.
3/19/09
Enough Is Enough!
Congressmen and Wolf Blitzer are tripping all over one another to make a story about bailout "fraud" ala AIG. Its the least of our worries right now as aptly said on the Erin Obrien blog.
3/18/09
On Urinating
It was raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock when Joe the Loser set out, full of piss and vinegar, to apply for a five hundred dollar loan. At the bank ,Joe the Loser was ready to sign for the loan when the banker suddenly asked if he had any collateral. Joe the Loser explained that he didn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. The banker replied with a smirk, “I thought you looked piss-poor ”. Joe the Loser told the banker to go piss up a rope , went to the saloon next door and got pissed to the gills. The next day the local paper’s lead story was about a bank robbery. Police described the bank robber as inebriated with piss stained pants. They couldn’t explain why in addition to five hundred dollars , a large pot from the bank president’s office was stolen. My guess is that Joe the Loser got his loan and a pot to piss in besides.
3/17/09
The Pope And Condoms
During his trip to Africa , Pope Benedict XVI said condoms are not the answer to the AIDS epidemic in Africa and can make the problem worse. The all knowing leader of the Catholic Church has come to the amazing conclusion that condoms increase the problem . He furthur proclaims that a responsible and moral attitude toward sex would help fight the disease. He is absolutely sure of this because the Roman Catholic Church is at the forefront of the battle against AIDS. I suppose this means abstinence. If you don't use it you will lose it . If you lose it why should you care about AIDS. If you don't care about AIDS , the problem has disappeared. Besides how can you have a responsible and moral attitude toward sex if you never experience sex. Pass out the condoms!
So Much For Irish Cusine
My high primal thinking spouse has Irish roots. I guess that's where the According To Marge sayings come from. Irish cooking is not among her many talents. After dismissing Corned Beef And Cabbage and a New England Boiled Dinner, our menu on St. Patrick's Day will feature steak from a certified Irish cow ( grilled not boiled). With a nod to Ireland, we'll indulge in some Irish Coffee. HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!
3/15/09
Downsizing Religion -Some Random Thoughts
Today’s paper ( The Plain Dealer) was full of stories concerning the downsizing of Catholic parishes in the Cleveland area.
Along with the news was a soul searching Regina Brett column invoking The Resurrection as a means to stomach the downsizing . I probably came to the wrong conclusion but her column confused me. Perhaps she only needed an outlet for her religious emotions.
I’m surprised that the editors did not seize the opportunity to promote blogging as a replacement for lost parishes. They already have a sports writer, Terry Pluto, writing a weekly religious column ( not surprising in that baseball has become a religious experience).
A point made in one story rang a bell with me. Most of the parishes being ex-communicated were formerly immigrant parishes - Italian, Irish, Slovenian, Polish, German, you name it. Can I conclude that these immigrant groups are now Americans and have assimilated into the suburban Catholic parishes?
Evidently the new immigrants, Hispanic and African do not have enough clout yet to absorb the abandoned parishes but I‘m sure that will change.
It looks like there will be more real estate blight in Cleveland.
Any chance that some of the vacated churches may become mosques, or are they facing the wrong way?
Along with the news was a soul searching Regina Brett column invoking The Resurrection as a means to stomach the downsizing . I probably came to the wrong conclusion but her column confused me. Perhaps she only needed an outlet for her religious emotions.
I’m surprised that the editors did not seize the opportunity to promote blogging as a replacement for lost parishes. They already have a sports writer, Terry Pluto, writing a weekly religious column ( not surprising in that baseball has become a religious experience).
A point made in one story rang a bell with me. Most of the parishes being ex-communicated were formerly immigrant parishes - Italian, Irish, Slovenian, Polish, German, you name it. Can I conclude that these immigrant groups are now Americans and have assimilated into the suburban Catholic parishes?
Evidently the new immigrants, Hispanic and African do not have enough clout yet to absorb the abandoned parishes but I‘m sure that will change.
It looks like there will be more real estate blight in Cleveland.
Any chance that some of the vacated churches may become mosques, or are they facing the wrong way?
3/13/09
3/10/09
Credit Card Crunch
Just read that the next credit crunch will be credit cards. Surprise, surprise! We live in a house of cards and the big bad wolf is ready to blow it down. It has started already with the subtle fine print in the monthly statement advising you of a change of terms. Unfortunately the explanation is unintelligible and probably should be taken to a lawyer. The problem with that is the lawyer wants a retainer and does not accept credit cards. Apparently somewhere in the fine print is a disclosure that the credit line is being reduced. This is a good move on the part of the credit card companies. Tighten up credit, customers will stop using credit cards, credit card companies will start losing billions, credit card companies will get billions in bailout money! Another problem for consumers is their credit score. In someones infinite wisdom it is tied to their line of credit. The lower the line of credit , the lower the credit score. The lower the credit score, the more unfavorable the terms for borrowing will be. Actually it should not really matter since lending institutions do not want to lend anymore. The United States has come up with earth shaking technological advances. Its creativity in financial packages has also been earth shaking. We could have done without the latter.
3/7/09
How To Survive The Great Recession
-Get a shoeshine box
-Learn to darn socks (http://www.ehow.com/how_648_darn-sock.html)
-Rollback technology in favor of more pick and shovels
-Invest in a good mattress not insured by the FDIC
-Have Madison Ave come up with some imaginative logos
-Bring back the WPA and the CCC
-Elect fewer Republicans
-Don't pave Wall Street
-Turn Main Street into a Boulevard
-Drink more beer and less scotch
-Turn off the TV
-Bring back "One Man's Family" on the radio
-Learn to roller skate or get a horse
-Become a vegetarian
-Last but not least get on AIG's board
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