A Tale That Did Not Need To Be Told ( Or How To Flush Your Mind Of Clichés)

Joe The Hedge Fund Broker was raking the money in hand over fist. He and his partner Dinah were living it up as if there was no tomorrow. “Work hard and play hard” was Joe’s motto while Dinah countered with “shop until you drop”.

Tomorrow came nevertheless. Joe was so busy trading derivatives that he had no time to sink his teeth into the Wall Street Journal financial reports or even to lend an ear to CNBC pundits. The handwriting was on the wall but he did everything by the seat of his pants and inevitably was caught with his pants down.

Joe was sleeping like a baby when Dinah got him up at the crack of dawn. She was as agitated` as a cat on a hot tin roof and handed him the paper. The paper’s headline screamed that the bottom had fallen out of the stock market. To make matters worse Joe’s brokerage was on the verge of bankruptcy. Once he got the cobwebs out of his head he groaned, “Unbelievable, I thought I knew the market like the back of my hand but that‘s the way the ball bounces.”

A distraught Dinah exclaimed “You obviously don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground. You were never able to see the forest for the trees. It looks like we may be living from hand - to - mouth and that‘s not my cup of tea.”

An irritated Joe replied, “Doesn’t that beat the band! I’ve been bringing home the bacon for years and at the first sign of trouble you want to jump ship. I thought our lives were hand in glove!” With that, things went from bad to worse.

“You’ve got it baby! I’m tired of waiting on you hand and foot and being at your beck and call. I was only along for the ride. Now that you’re broke, you can bet your bottom dollar that I’ll be splitting. Living with you hasn’t exactly been a bed of roses. I may take Larry The Cable Guy up his offer .” taunted Dinah.

Giving her the back of his hand, Joe shouted, “That’s the last straw, you pig!.”

“Are you calling me a slut?”

“If the shoe fits, wear it!”

After all the dust settled, Joe and Dinah went their separate ways.

As for Dinah , the bottom line is that Larry The Cable guy was only interested in a one night stand. She ended up with the short end of the stick. As Dinah sampled every Tom, Dick and Harry, Joe began to look pretty good. As a matter of fact she learned through the grapevine that Joe had received a five hundred thousand dollar retention bonus after his firm got a Federal bailout. Dinah decided that the better part of valor would be to let bygones be bygones and to bury the hatchet. Her calls to Joe the Alderman went unanswered! I forgot to mention that Joe is now a politician.

That’s the way the way the cookie crumbles.

1 comment:

Caroline said...

You can't hear or see me, but I am laughing and applauding between typing! You are such a clever bloke and I am so glad I happened upon your blog way back in once upon a time time! Continue the fun work.

As always, Caroline