Are You Ready For Some Baseball?

Spring training is over and the Indians are ready to play ball. The word is that the players are better prepared than ever. Some unofficial official rumors and outright lies came into this blogger's hands or better yet his imagination.

--Spitting this year will be a sight to behold. It took a minimum of ten spits per minute to make the team! Pity the guy who cleans up the dugout.

--The competition for designated bubble gum blower went right down to the wire. Fans will be thrilled to know that Joe the Blowhard made the team with a three inch diameter bubble.

--According to the Manager, the pitching rotation is all set. New this year will be a carousel at the pitcher's mound which will make it easier to rotate the pitchers. The carousel will be operated by remote control, saving homophobic fans from seeing a pitching coach pat the pitcher on the ass.

--The infielders will be more error free. Cup straightening was proving to be a distraction that kept an infielders hand on his balls rather than the baseball. Trainers have come up with a looser fitting cup. Not all the players are happy about this and feel they are being deprived of an opportunity to advertise their wares. The Players Association may file a grievance claiming an invasion of privacy.

--Perhaps the biggest change that fans will see are the uniforms. Gone are the knee length pants. In are the shoelace length baggy sans belt pants . Only players with clean underwear made the team. It is predicted that there will be much fewer stolen bases this year. Any player caught with his pants down will fined a ten pound bag of salmonella free pistachio nuts.

--During the course of Spring training, any player caught shaving or sporting a crew cut was sent to the minors for further training in proper grooming.

--Also cut from the roster were players not versed in publicly expressing their thanks to a higher being after blasting the hell out of ball ( Baseball And God). No atheists are permitted in the batter‘s box!

Play balls….. Oooops …ball!