Proposal To Reduce Health Care Costs

Congressmen, Democrats and Republicans alike, have sticker shock when faced with the cost of health care reform. There is a lot of maneuvering going on to find ways of cutting the estimated cost of one trillion dollars. I haven’t heard of anything to date that comes close to a meaningful cost reduction.

Everyone agrees that the greatest impact on reducing healthcare costs would come if the population would keep itself healthy. That being the case I have a proposal for our learned legislators. Instead of grappling with health insurance schemes, why not take a look at necklaces. Yes necklaces!

My research has turned up three different kind of necklaces that have a miraculous effect on the wearers health. A stimulus package allocating twenty-five dollars to every citizen would do the trick. I haven’t done the math but I bet that it’s a lot less than one trillion dollars.


My top recommendation is a garlic necklace. The role of garlic in health care is legendary. I can remember going to school and being knocked over by the smell of garlic. It was flu season and half of the students were wearing garlic necklaces. Aside from warding off the flu, garlic necklaces have the added benefit of scaring off evil spirits. Everyone knows that evil spirits carry all kinds of diseases. Garlic necklaces can be had for anywhere between six and forty dollars. The six dollar version is highly recommended.

If someone doesn’t want to go around smelling like Italian cuisine, I would recommend that they get a titanium necklace for around thirty dollars. You’ve seen these necklaces that look like ropes around the necks of ballplayers. (This has no relation to a disgruntled fan planning to lynch a player.) Titanium necklaces improve joint movement, blood flow and stamina. ( The Cleveland Indian’s owner only provided the players with cheap imitations , thus their last place standing). I’ve included a photo to show how attractive those titanium ropes are. Good news, you can get them with your team logo woven in. Just like baseball caps, one size fits all.




Last but not least, consideration must be given to the scapular medal. Unfortunately only a limited part of the population would be eligible to wear one. One has to be a Catholic to be privileged to wear a scapular medal. The scapular medal provides for well being in this life and the hereafter. That is a real bargain but I’m sure that Congress would have a problem with scapular medals. It really is too bad since the medal protects both your front and back. Upon further thought , I’m not so sure it would be a problem if this is the necklace of choice. Unless the government is getting into the necklace business, it should care less as to how the necklace stimulus money is spent as long the necklace purchased promotes good health.

Personally I’m not ready to wear a necklace , so if some stimulus comes my way I plan to bank it. I'll use it for a witch doctor if I become ill. You can read all about it in a post I published some time ago, Il Malocchio.