On Obituaries And Legacies

I'm not one for reading the obituaries. I should be a follower of obituaries. Not because of my age but because of my genes. My mother was an avid reader of the obituaries (what was unusual about her choice of news was that she read the obits as published in English even though she never had any schooling in the English language). I recall that  Ben Franklin like my mother read the obits everyday.  According to Ben, "I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page.If my name is not on it, I get up". He would be frustrated by today's daily newspaper being delivered only four days a week. Poor Ben would get an awful lot of sleep these days.

My excuse for ignoring the obituaries? At my age, they might spoil my breakfast if my name was staring me in the face.Some people write their own obituaries. I guess they don't want to take a chance of anything negative popping up after they are gone and can't defend themselves. I would chalk it up as an unnecessary ego trip. No undertaker worth the bucks he is being paid would let a negative obituary get by him. Personally, I have found it unnecessary to indulge in obituary writing. I always felt that I would do something outstanding during the course of my life and at my death editors would be scrambling to detail the deeds. Such is not to be. I stopped pursuing a legacy worth any newsprint long ago. I'll have to be satisfied with a generic obituary. No obituary at all would be OK also. What is really important is that those whom I love remember me as someone who did his best to earn their love and respect.

Whoa! This is beginning to sound like an obituary and a published one at that. I assure one and all that such is not the case. Heck those embers from the dying fire of establishing a legacy might still burst out into a flame. Stranger things have happened. Realistically as far as the future of printed obituaries is concerned, its about as dim as my legacy embers. Most investors are convinced that newspapers are on their death bed. I wonder, has anyone written the obituary? That's one I want to read.

Look For The Silver Lining

A Jerome Kearns song urges us to look for the silver lining and try to find the sunny side of life. Makes sense to me. There's more to life besides losing sleep over global warming, civil wars, genocide, terrorist attacks, gun violence, life threatening diseases, corrupt politics, abuse of power by the one per-centers, on and on. There is a silver lining somewhere. The trick is to find it. We cannot ignore the problems which surround us. We can acknowledge our part in their creation, pack away our guilt and resolve to do better. In our search for that silver lining, cherishing one's family and giving them the love they deserve is a good start. Having compassion and support for those in need furthers the process. Setting aside cynicism in favor of optimism makes the road leading to that silver lining much smoother. There is no guarantee that the silver lining will be found. If not, just pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag, and smile, smile, smile.

World Class Bully

This past Sunday, a South Euclid , Ohio resident who had been convicted of bullying carried out his sentence by sitting outside on a street corner holding a sign that said he bullied disabled children. The sign said: "I AM A BULLY! I pick on children that are disabled, and I am intolerant of those that are different from myself. My actions do not reflect an appreciation for the diverse South Euclid community that I live in."

If only the World Court had the power to convict and  sentence abusive world leaders who bully their neighbors, then the Ukraine crisis might be solved. Imagine Vladimir Putin holding a sign that said: " I AM A BULLY! I pick on countries that are weak, and I am intolerant of those who do not share my plan for Russian domination. My actions deserve the condemnation of the free world."

A fantasy? Yes! Too simplistic? Yes! Still, there must be an alternative to war in order to humble the Putins and Assads of the world. The new weapon of choice seems to be economic sanctions. Will they work? I doubt it. In the end violence will be the weapon of choice as it has been for the ages.

IDGAF

Old codgers never learn. They just play the age card. In the case of this old codger, he has been reading Facebook comments and text messages and just assumed that the attachment of "lol" was an expression of affection. The fact that "reading this and lol" did not properly translate into "reading this and lots of love" was perplexing but did not jar me into seeking a more proper interpretation of this twenty first century jargon. Just another example of slovenly "speak" among the younger generation. Trying to understand the Millennials (whoever came up with that moniker was definitely high at the time) is too formidable a task for a member of the greatest generation. Besides, if one watches enough videos, all mysteries are effortlessly cleared up. That was the case with "lol". An episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" made it clear that "lol" translated into "laughing out loud". Now that makes sense if you are reading this and laughing out loud. If not, perhaps, like me, you just "dgaf "

Have a good one

Sometimes I’m perplexed when after thanking someone for helping me, instead of “You're welcome”, out comes “Have a good one”. Does “one” equal “nice day” ? If so , maybe his view of a nice day is not the same as mine, in which case the probability exists that he is wishing me a lousy day. I doubt that, but there is a high probability that he really doesn't give a damn about my prospects for a nice day and merely would like to see me go on way. It goes without saying (but I‘m going to say it anyway), that at best “Have a good one” is nebulous and presumptive. I submit that “You're welcome”, is brief, to the point and leaves no doubt about the intent. Having said that, have a good one!

Messing With Ave

As a wannabe suave blogger, I've decided to misbehave and mess around with ave. The High Primal does not feel I'm depraved and gave her blessing. Under other circumstances, messing around has proven to be a grave error sometimes resulting in an early grave. So here it goes:

Better to be a knave than a slave.

Better to be a brave slave than a depraved knave.

The brave deserve more than a wave.

The brave deserve to have their names engraved.

I crave to explore a cave.

The road to hell is not paved.

It was a close shave but he forgave me.

During a crime wave many people misbehave.

I've saved the best for last.

Whether  I gave it my best, I’ll leave to you, but a rave for my post would make me your slave. 

Irish Twins

What do you write about when when everything in the nation and world appears to be one big fat mess? Irish twins of course

While sitting in my dentist's reception room recently, I could not help overhearing a conversation a lady was having with the receptionist. Before accusing me of being nosey, I must add that the reception room is very small and the only way to ignore conversations is to wear ear plugs. In fact this particular room may well be in violation of patient privacy regulations. So while trying to ignore the conversation that was going on I overheard, " did you know that she has Irish twins?" What in hell could she be talking about. Did her friend adopt twins from Ireland? Why tag her friend's twin as Irish? Judging from the put down tone of her question , I surmised that there was more to "Irish twins" than a reference to twins. I couldn't wait to get home to research " Irish twins". My research took all of two minutes thanks to Google.

"Irish twins" is used to describe two children  born to the same mother within twelve months of each other. What a disappointment! Why the Irish tag, it could happen to anyone. Just a bit more research revealed that that in the 1800's in the land of freedom and religious tolerance, the children of our forefathers concluded that such births could only only occur as a result of uneducated, poor Irish Catholic families' lack of birth control as well as as self control.

I still wonder about the Irish tag since there are many uneducated, poor Americans who have no self-control when it comes to sex. Make that Americans of all economic means who have no self-control. Obviously the term was originally meant as an insult which Americans of all economic means too frequently apply to fellow Americans who they deem as different.

In modern use, the term Irish twins is not intended as an insult, but rather a description of siblings born close to together. How nice! It still sounds like an insult. Was the Planned Parenthood Society formed to reduce the frequency of Irish twins?

Now that I have succeeded in taking my mind off everything that is really important for a few minutes, let me not be a coward. Time to get ahold of that self-control thing, turn on the TV set and watch the roller coaster ride called the economy. Better yet that old movie on TCM, "Cheaper By The Dozen", looks a hell of a lot better.
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Liar, liar - your pants are on fire!

Recently I sat at the keyboard and started to tap out a profound post. I found myself using the words “not too far from the truth” which unleashed a torrent of thoughts. I wondered, if something is not too far from the truth, does that mean a lie can be considered the truth if it suits one purpose. Is that what is called a white lie as opposed to a complete falsehood? Are falsehoods and the truth related?

Fortunately there is a wealth of information about truth and falsehoods. Some of it is true and some must be taken with a grain of salt. Most of  what I have written is attributed to great men too numerous to list (not quite the truth, too lazy to list them is not too far from the truth). I have assembled these sayings to suit my purposes. Questioning these purposes will only invoke the response, “ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies”.  Not that I would want to lie. I can but I prefer not to. I swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

It is always the false that makes you suffer, the false desires and fears, the false values and ideas, the false relationships between people. Abandon the false and you are free of pain; truth makes happy, truth liberates but lies make the world go around.

Consider this, a lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. A lie may have speed, but after putting on its shoes, the truth has endurance. This would lead one to conclude that the truth lives forever. Not necessarily. While a lie is speedily being spread throughout the world, it becomes the truth. Truth after all is obscure. Falsehood on the other hand is so established, that, unless we love the truth, we cannot know it. Loving the truth can be difficult, whereas embracing falsehoods is much more facile.

Ask yourself why peace in our world is so elusive. The answer is that peace demands the most heroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice. It demands greater heroism than war. It demands greater fidelity to the truth and a perfect purity of conscience. Lofty goals. Traits found in very few people. Peace will be elusive!

There are those who believe that it's essential to tell the truth at all times. This will reduce life's pain. Lying distorts reality, therefore; all forms of distorted thinking must be corrected. Who is to judge what is distorted thinking. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth even if it‘s a lie. The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. However, the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. Wow! Confused? Peace will be elusive!

It has also been said that a generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things, which renew humanity. I’ll bet your bottom dollar that humanity is still rusting away.  Peace will be elusive!

At the onset I hoped I absolved myself of any attempts at plagiarism. Let me lay my cards on the table and not beat about the bush. If you find all this tough to swallow feel free to shout, “liar, liar, your pants are on fire”. Be advised, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

Making An Ass of Oneself

On a recent shopping trip to a supermarket I approached the bakery department and found myself staring at a bun - not the special of the day but a bun peering out of hip hugger jeans. Bent over selecting some doughnuts was a middle aged lady, who had slinked into jeans at least one size too small. To make matters worse , the lady undoubtedly had chosen to be sans underpants. When she straightened up, I thought the bun or more properly ass would retreat to its home but obviously the jeans were more accurately two sizes too small. The ass was meant to be exhibited for all to see. The greatest shock came when she turned around. Holy cow, she had a face that would stop a clock. No wonder she walked around with her ass exposed, it was by far her best feature. Not only would her face stop a clock but it would scare a dog out of a butcher shop or at best was a face only a mother could love. I may be doing the poor woman an injustice but thrusting her ass in my face left me no alternative. She made an ass of herself but I'm grateful to her for this post.

What's A Prominent Nobody?

I came across the term, "prominent nobody" and could not help but muse about what it meant. My first reaction was to question how a nobody can be prominent. If someone is prominent aren't they a somebody and an important somebody at that? Before dismissing the term as a contradiction, the light came on and sure enough there are all kinds of prominent nobodies floating around. There are nobodies who have become prominent but still qualify as a nobody. They are still a nobody because they have no credibility with prominent somebodies. At this point I should start listing the prominent nobodies I'm thinking of but my musing leads me to conclude that my prominent nobody could very well be your prominent somebody. I now find myself concluding that  " prominent nobody" is a term to be avoided unless it's meant as a "botta", a dig or slam. That it does nicely. Think Sarah Palin or Donald Trump or ....... oops, I said I wouldn't list any prominent nobodies. Scratch that last sentence, but really they are prominent nobodies. If you don't believe me, just imagine either one sitting in the White House as the Resident - in - Chief.

On Artichokes and Manners

Evidently the menace of artichokes exists for others.

DavidMixner.com: Hell's Kitchen Journal: Alice Roosevelt Longworth, The Artichoke And Me

Read my lips

   Passing a group of women engaged in conversation , I heard the words, "Do you see what I'm saying?". I had to pause and reflect on what I had heard. The first thought I had was that she was obviously talking to a friend who was a lip reader. If so, why didn't she say, " read my lips", it would have been less confusing. Then I speculated that if  I stood there long enough I probably would hear her interjecting " do you see what I'm saying" several times during her conversation. The absurd thought popped into my mind that the phrase being part of her speech, she probably would use it while talking to a blind person.
   Being careful to insure that everyone is hanging on to every word we say is not limited to casual conversations. How many times does Obama say, "let me clear" during a speech or news conference.
   Actually, we all probably repeatedly use some sort of superfluous phrase during our conversations. You know what I'm talking about?

Required reading for assholes and non-assholes

One of my most enjoyable Christmas presents was " The No Asshole Rule" by Robert I. Sutton, PhD. The book is billed as "the definitive guide to working with ---and---surviving--- bullies,creeps, jerks, tyrants, tormentors,despots, backstabbers, egomaniacs, and all the other assholes who do their best to destroy you at work". Dr. Sutton is an advocate of establishing a civilized atmosphere in the workplace. It starts by discouraging  assholes from applying their trade. In a civilized workplace firing an asshole , no matter how talented he or she may be is not out of the question.

 It was a thoroughly enjoyable read. It took me back to my working years and brought back reminiscences of the many assholes I encountered over forty years. If only Dr. Sutton's book had been in my library during those years, I would have recognized the "bullies,creeps, jerks, tyrants, tormentors,despots, backstabbers, egomaniacs" in a more timely manner and dealt with them more adroitly rather than confronting them in a belligerent manner. Does that make me an asshole? According to the book, at least a temporary ahole. No matter, the book's message is applicable to  my present environment. It provides insight for dealing with neighborhood gatherings, supermarkets, big box stores and various organizations where aholes abound. Then there are the 24/7 news programs with their pundits. If at least one of them applied the No Asshole Rule it would  make listening to the news commentaries a lot more enjoyable. My newly acquired knowledge of what makes an asshole will also come in handy today if I watch the opening day ceremonies of Boehner's House of Representatives. The book had little to say about applying the No Asshole Rule to politics. I suppose it would be next to impossible to find a sponsor, never mind enforce such an enlightened rule. As Sutton suggests, the No Asshole rule brings about a more civilized workplace - a good place to start, the probability of spilling over into politics and our daily lives is certainly there.

 Of course each one of us has an asshole. We must wonder at times if our asshole has taken over our personality. Dr. Sutton to the rescue. Take a self exam by visiting this site, Are You a Certified Asshole. I took the exam but I'm not revealing the results. I wonder why I received the book ?

( As an aside, I once heard a proctologist ( colorectal surgeon in today's lingo) say that he chose the field rather than obstetrics in order to have twice as many patients. He was a jovial asshole.)

All About Mates

In the midst of a Korean crisis, the Wikileaks,  a Mideast crisis and serious problems with the economy, it seems appropriate  to indulge in a little levity - especially since I'm out of the loop when it comes to solving these problems. Here it goes -
______________________________________________________________

Q - What's a soul mate?
A - Anyone celebrating a Golden anniversary

Q - What's a stalemate?
A - Anyone with prostate problems.

Q - What's a shipmate?
A - Anyone you mate with on a cruise.

Q - What's a classmate?
A - A classy spouse.

Q - What's a checkmate?
A - The other half of a joint checking account.

Q - What's a first mate?
A - An ex-wife.

Q - What's a teammate?
A - The opposite of a mateteam.

Q - What's a running mate?
A - A domestic abuse victim.

Q - What's a cell mate?
A - What you find in a unisex prison.

And now for the jackpot- what is a mate?
A - A matching sock.

Give the man his money!
Boo! Give 'im the hook!

DBT Loan Repaid

Fall Back

 I've repaid my DBT loan with interest. All my clocks are now on Standard Time. I feel very relieved - anything non-standard makes me suspicious. I plan to write my Congressman and plead with him to get rid of the barbaric ritual of changing clocks twice a year. Fall back, spring forward, back and forth. He should be very receptive to my plea. He's a Republican and I'm sure he would like to make the latest change in government permanent. Why not start with time? After all time is on his side.

( One more clock to change - the clock in my car,Fuji. I'm reluctant to change it. I hear gas prices are headed down and I don't want to fall back to the time of higher prices. Figure that out if you can.)

Idle Thoughts For An Idle Sunday Afternoon

- Much ado is being made about the bucks spent on the Clinton wedding. Isn't that what trickle down economics is all about. Its their money and its nice to see it come back into circulation.

- The Anti Defamation League has come out against a mosque being built close to the 9/11 Ground Zero site. Is it time for the ADA to adopt a name more in keeping with its protest.

- I keep getting e-mails requesting funds for Obama's birthday. I never met the man. Its unseemly to send him a birthday present.

- From the According To Marge blog - Afghanistan is not a place you should go into. It's a place you should get out of! Worth repeating over and over!

- Nation building at the expense of weakening the builder is just plain stupid!

- Living in Ohio's Cuyahoga County is exciting in a perverse sort of way. A corruption scandal every week. I can hardly wait for this week's headlines. Trying to pick an honest candidate for office is like looking for the proverbial needle in a hay stack. Even if you found it , it probably wouldn't be very sharp.

Parking Garage Etiquette

Having had the dubious pleasure of being a frequent user of The Cleveland Clinic parking garage the past three months, I have become an expert on parking garage etiquette. Navigating a multistory parking garage can be a harrowing experience. I submit the following suggestions as a way to make that experience tolerable:

1. SLOW DOWN! If you are late for an appointment, you don’t want to get there via the Emergency Room.
2. Do not show off your driving expertise by backing into a parking space and backing up traffic.
3. When turning corners, remember it is more likely than not that traffic will be coming from the opposite direction. A right angle turn versus a forty-five degree turn would be nice.
4. Yellow lines delineate parking spaces. They are meant to be used.
5. Trucks do not belong in compact car parking spaces.
6. Do not wear sunglasses driving around the garage - it is well shaded.
7. You can't call ahead for a parking spot so put the cell phone away! What can be so urgent that talking on a cell phone is necessary while searching for a parking space?
8. Its a given that a parking ticket will be required at the exit gate. Have it ready before you get there.
9. Take the bus!

Now what?

Ora devo raccogliere i mei pensieri per questo blog or in plain English, the deed is done - From Tony's Keyboard' is my blog and I need to come up with some thoughts other than my Toyota's problem or my OCD.

Lets start with:

- The cloture rule makes sure that legislative pirates have a safe haven in the Senate.

- Will Tea Party activists be successful in plunging the country into political chaos? If so, will China foreclose the United States?

- Manufacturing jobs will only be created with government incentives. Once created they will be shipped to Asia in order to increase the bottom line line for stockholders who were against government stimulus funds in the first place.

- The Colts lost the Superbowl. The Browns should be thankful they have never had the opportunity for the same embarrassment.

- Baseball season is upon us. The Indians show no sign of doing the right thing about Chief Wahoo. In fact , they show no sign of doing the right thing about anything.

That's it - questo posto e finito!

ED Note: the Italian was a diversion to test my memory of a second language. It was found wanting.

About Small Talk

Small talk is defined as idle banter typically on innocuous or unimportant subjects. People engage in small talk to open conversations usually out of politeness. The problem with small talk is that it is rarely innocuous. Small talk can be irritating and offensive. Besides when is it polite to interrupt someone’s solitude with an attempt to start a boring conversation. Take the elderly gentleman who plops himself beside you on a shopping mall bench and announces that it’s a beautiful day. How are you supposed to respond? As far as he is concerned it is a beautiful day but you just dropped and damaged your cell phone and your wife maxed out her credit card. The best diplomatic answer you can give him is that the day sucks. End of small talk! Beware of whom you are trying to engage in conversation. An innocuous ( I love the word, it implies absolutely nothing) subject may be someone else’s flash point. So why do we have small talk? To be polite? Perhaps a little big talk would be more appropriate. A little big talk sounds like small talk. And that's what this musing is - small talk!