My Not So Wide World Of Sports

In my younger days I found most spectator sports enjoyable and often mandatory viewing. As the years go by, my zeal for sports has waned considerably and as a result the number of sports that I zealously follow is less than a handful.

Boxing is an absolute no-no. I can’t believe that I actually attended a boxing match or that the Gillette fight of the week religiously occupied my Friday evenings on the boob tube. I’m reluctant to play the role of a Roman and watch two gladiators destroy themselves.

It seems that sports fans can not get enough violence in sports these days. NFL football is slowly losing me as a fan and NHL hockey never did hook me. Wrestling? I actually watched a bunch of vicious looking clowns throw each other around for awhile but it did'nt take long to relegate that “sport” to the trash heap. Suffice to say that athletes trying to maim one another is not my idea of a sport.

Then there is NASCAR. Politics cooled me off on NASCAR racing. How can individuals who make a living going left be such vocal right wing supporters? Basketball? March madness held my attention for awhile but the games interfered with baseball spring training games so I lost interest. I can’t remember ever watching a complete NBA game and hardly tune in to one any longer. The acrobatic basket shooting and the fast pace of the game is reality boring. Golf? Actually played golf for awhile but I decided that being the world’s worst golfer was not for me. Golf on TV captures my attention now and then but a golf fanatic I am not and it has nothing to do with Tiger Wood‘s escapades ( I always knew he had a powerful golf drive but never realized he had a sex drive to match).

Baseball remains my favorite sport. If anything my interest has increased over the years. The Cleveland Indians do not make it easy, but hey its still baseball.

How about sports spectacles such as the Olympics? Glad you asked, that’s what was on my mind when I started this tome. The Winter Olympics did not get my adrenaline going. The only reason why I watched about three hours worth of the Vancouver Winter Olympics over the past two weeks is that competing TV programs did'nt make it much of a competition. As for winter sports, I would have the following on the medals stand:

Gold - Cross Country Skiing
Silver - Short Track Speed Skating
Bronze - Half-pipe Snow Board

Figure skating has its moments but can be pure drudgery unless you are a student of the moves. Judging by the age of the women competitors, I’m sure that kindergartners will eventually be competing. As for the dance version of figure skating, whose wet dream ever made it a sport? And then we have curling. it’s a challenge to stay awake while watching this sport. They ought to sweep it out of the Olympics. At best it belongs in the Senior Olympics. I understand that curling is the darling of CNBC. Makes sense, only people who understand derivatives could understand curling.

What you can take away from my verbiage - I'm not a huge sports fan, I don't like violent sports, I'm lukewarm on the Olympics, Baseball is my sport.

Two more years and the media will be hyping the Summer Olympics. Fortunately they obviously take place in the summer and "the boys of summer" will be able competitors for TV ratings, especially if the Indians are in contention. The Summer Olympics do however offer some intrigue.Will Bob Costa's hair be able to survive another dye job? Will something better than Botox come along to rejuvenate NBC's anchors?

A war by any other name ,smells the same

I’m in shock, there is no Iraq War. What I mistakenly thought was an Iraq War is really Operation Iraq Freedom but not for long. The administration has called an end to Operation Iraq Freedom. It seems we have given up on freedom for the Iraqis. The Sunnis and the Shiites will go on fighting until the cows come home. That doesn’t mean that plane loads of American troops will be crowding the runways. No, in place of Operation Iraq Freedom , Operation New Dawn is being launched.

I thought we were winding down The Iraq War - oops, I mean Operation Iraq Freedom. New Dawn sounds like the beginning of something. We’ll have to wait for Operation Sunset to see an end to The Iraq War - there I go again, I mean Operation New Dawn which replaced Operation Iraq Freedom.

If naming that conflict in Iraq ( why didn’t they name it The Iraq Conflict) borders on the ridiculous , naming that conflict in Afghanistan really crosses the line. There is no Afghanistan War. Never has been. All those American lives being lost in Afghanistan are the result of Operation Enduring Freedom. An operation to secure enduring freedom is a tough road to hoe. It means we’ll be stuck in a rut. To make matters worseAfghanistan has no oil. Operation A Lick And A Promise would have been a better choice of monikers. Afghanistan will never experience freedom until hell freezes over.

All this war naming business does provide a ray of hope. It looks like we have given up fighting wars. We will submit to an operation now and then. I say now and then because operations are expensive. Health care reform is stalled in Congress so there will be little help from that quarter. Our operations will continue to be very costly ( I wonder if anyone has ever done a cost analysis comparing wars to operations?). Perhaps we should start engaging in exercises instead of operations. Better yet why not take an aspirin and hope the headache goes away.

Ed note: There are those like my high primal thinker who say that Iran will be the only winner in the Iraq War. I believe they are wrong. As long as we keep changing names, Iran will be so confused it will launch Operation Bide Your Time unless Secretary Gates copywrites it first.

The Woeful United States Senate

When all is said and done the woes of the Democrat Party or for that matter also the Republican Party and while we 're at it the country can be laid at the doorstep of the Senate. This body is hardly an example of Democracy in action. The legislative process in the Senate is stagnate and bullet proof to any attempts for constructive legislation. Mix in weak leadership for the majority and the politics of "No" for the minority and you have all the ingredients necessary to weaken any administration. Progress in this country is held hostage by the Senate. The Senate does not legislate, it pontificates. Lets face it, our founding fathers goofed. Why do we need two legislative bodies?

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Sorry Chief

Yesterday the Cleveland Indians announced a reorganization of the front office. Yesterday the Indians once again proved that their decision makers are wimps. Yesterday the Indians missed an opportunity to retire Chief Wahoo. (I'm beginning to sound like the Beatles). Yesterday the Cleveland Indians failed to recognize the curse of the Chief. Free Chief Wahoo tomorrow! There will be no championship until the Chief is retired.

The British Are Coming!

One of the targets of rightists and lately The Tea Party movement is what is referred to as big government. Somehow or other big government has to go. How to make it go is not very clear. Actually the solution to making big government small is to reduce what it has to govern. Fifty states , each with their own special needs breeds big government and raises the national debt. I submit the following plan which The Tea Party is welcome to:

1. Return the Louisiana Purchase to France for a refund. This would get rid of almost fourteen states.
2. Sell Alaska including Sarah Palin back to Russia. If they balk at Palin being part of the deal try Canada. If Canada wants no part of Palin, remind them that you can see Russia from her home. That should clinch the deal.
3. Give California its independence as long as they pay back all Federal subsidies.
4. Texas should be attractive to Mexico as a haven for disgruntled Mexicans. Again the Bush family must be part of the deal. I'm sure that "W" will relish the opportunity to bring real democracy to Mexico as he did in the Mideast.
5. Washington State should bring a handsome price from Japan.
6. Florida logically should go to Cuba but money may be a problem. Israel?
7. Free Puerto Rico!
8. Why not give Manhattan back to the Indians. That will certainly make a dent in big government.
9. Other than the original thirteen colonies , the remaining states could be auctioned off on eBay.

Implicit in all these sales is that people go along with the territory. Small government does not want to be bothered with the needs of its citizens. Its every man or woman for himself or herself.

Once the deals are completed , those citizens residing in the colonies can put on their three cornered hats and have one grand tea party celebrating small government. Unfortunately the celebration will not last long.

Saddle up Paul Revere's horse. The British are coming! The British are coming! They have unfinished business here!

Valentine's Day Dilemma

It is disturbing to me that one of the icons for Valentine's Day is an arrow penetrating a heart. I submit that any normal heart could not withstand such an attack. How can Valentine's Day be a happy day with such violence going on? In fact that silly looking Cupid with the bow and arrow should be picked up and charged with manslaughter. I don't want him anywhere near my high primal thinker.

A cupid bearing chocolate covered strawberries would be more than welcome except for a high cholesterol problem. Fillet Mignon for dinner might help celebrate the day but the word is out that red meat is bad for the heart. On the other hand, it is certainly better than an arrow in the heart. Fillet Mignon it is! ( The high primal informed me that the menu has changed - New York Strip Steak in for Fillet Mignon. Yes, she's cooking.)

Merry Valentine Day to all and to all a goodnight!

Parking Garage Etiquette

Having had the dubious pleasure of being a frequent user of The Cleveland Clinic parking garage the past three months, I have become an expert on parking garage etiquette. Navigating a multistory parking garage can be a harrowing experience. I submit the following suggestions as a way to make that experience tolerable:

1. SLOW DOWN! If you are late for an appointment, you don’t want to get there via the Emergency Room.
2. Do not show off your driving expertise by backing into a parking space and backing up traffic.
3. When turning corners, remember it is more likely than not that traffic will be coming from the opposite direction. A right angle turn versus a forty-five degree turn would be nice.
4. Yellow lines delineate parking spaces. They are meant to be used.
5. Trucks do not belong in compact car parking spaces.
6. Do not wear sunglasses driving around the garage - it is well shaded.
7. You can't call ahead for a parking spot so put the cell phone away! What can be so urgent that talking on a cell phone is necessary while searching for a parking space?
8. Its a given that a parking ticket will be required at the exit gate. Have it ready before you get there.
9. Take the bus!

A Piece Of Cake

Fuji The Toyota's gas pedal implant went well. No anesthesia was required and as Fuji said,"it was a piece of cake". Fuji felt so well that it insisted that we stop on the way home to get the high primal thinker some flowers for Valentine's Day.

Fuji is now resting comfortably in the garage and has assured me that any urge for a surge that may have existed is completely gone. Let's hope so. I wasn't in the procedure room ,so I can't be sure whether they implanted a steel shim or a piece of cake. The proof will be in the pudding.

I haven't had the heart to tell Fuji about the latest nasty rumors. There may be something wrong with its steering. What next?

Ed. note: I have made light of my problems with the Toyota recall. Underneath my mirth is a deep resentment about the way Toyota has handled the problem. For instance, I was supposed to wait for a formal letter notifying me to bring my car to a Toyota dealer for repairs to its gas pedal. Two weeks have gone by and there has been no such letter. Fortunately I found a dealer willing to fix my car without the formality of a recall letter. Now there are rumors that there may be other safety issues with my car.I have driven a Toyota for the last seven years. I thought I was riding with safety and reliability as my co-pilot . Now I'm not so sure. To be fair Toyota is not the only auto company which has had safety problems but it is a company which built its reputation on quality. Quality was its trademark! Now it has joined the pack. The experience of buying a Toyota will be no different than buying a Chrysler, Ford or Chevrolet. I guess that we need to remember that buying a car, no matter the brand, is not a piece of cake. There is too much of a chance of buying a piece of junk.

Fuji Cleared For Ambulatory Surgery

Tomorrow is the big day. Motorcars Toyota has agreed to place a shim in Fuji The Toyota's gas pedal at 9:45 AM. An overnight stay is not required, so Fuji should be back resting in its garage by noon. I'm glad to report that Fuji is apprehensive but eager to get this recall over with. I hope Toyota has done its homework and that this shim business is indeed a fix and not a temporary patch.


Fuji has requested that I get its oil changed as part of the surgery. Motorcars has agreed to do so. If any complications occur, we'll only be a short drive away from the world renowned Cleveland Clinic. I've heard a rumor that they have a gas pedal transplant study underway for Toyota.

Fuji's pre-op examination has gone well. Fuji is in top notch condition. Hope we can say the same tomorrow afternoon.

Now what?

Ora devo raccogliere i mei pensieri per questo blog or in plain English, the deed is done - From Tony's Keyboard' is my blog and I need to come up with some thoughts other than my Toyota's problem or my OCD.

Lets start with:

- The cloture rule makes sure that legislative pirates have a safe haven in the Senate.

- Will Tea Party activists be successful in plunging the country into political chaos? If so, will China foreclose the United States?

- Manufacturing jobs will only be created with government incentives. Once created they will be shipped to Asia in order to increase the bottom line line for stockholders who were against government stimulus funds in the first place.

- The Colts lost the Superbowl. The Browns should be thankful they have never had the opportunity for the same embarrassment.

- Baseball season is upon us. The Indians show no sign of doing the right thing about Chief Wahoo. In fact , they show no sign of doing the right thing about anything.

That's it - questo posto e finito!

ED Note: the Italian was a diversion to test my memory of a second language. It was found wanting.

Put your money where your mouth is

Japanese sure know how to apologize. After Toyada San's apology yesterday, lame as it was, the ills of Toyota cars were off The Plain Dealer front page this morning, other than a mention that their business page had some advice for anyone in the market to purchase or lease a Toyota. The article did not interest me very much. The advice I need is how do I determine that that the shim that is going to be inserted in my Fuji The Toyota's gas pedal will provide the safety I'm due. I guess that the answer is that Toyota knows what they are doing. If they don't, I'm sure that Toyada San will step forward and apologize. Apologies are cheap, good engineering is expensive. As the cliche goes, "put your money where your mouth is".

5 more days to Fuji's surgery

Keep Away!

Suddenly negotiating traffic has become easier with Fuji The Toyota. I've noticed that cars are not driving aggressively as they approach us. It's as though Fuji and I were driving with a "Caution" sign.

It's embarrassing.

6 days to Fuji's surgery!

Fuji The Toyota To Get A Fix

I heard what sounded like groaning coming from the garage and not so enthusiastically decided to investigate. The groaning turned out to be the wind trying to get in out of the cold. It was fortuitous that I investigated ,for I also discovered that Fuji ,my Toyota Corolla, was having a fit . Once I calmed it down with a shot of bourbon in the gas tank, I was able to make some sense out of all the rumbling. It seems that Fuji was upset because some hood said it should not be driven other than to abandon it at some Toyota service department.

I explained to Fuji that there was no way I would abandon it and promised I would make another attempt to get it scheduled for a gas pedal implant.

I called the home from which I had adopted Fuji and pleaded for a service appointment. Not surprisingly I got the same song and dance. "Wait for a recall letter- once our technicians are trained and we have the parts, come in with the letter". I tried to explain that the letter could take weeks and in the meantime Fuji was as mad as a wet hen. That did it - the phone went dead. What to do? There must be more than one way to skin a cat.

Call another home? Why not, nothing ventured , nothing gained. Lo and behold, within thirty seconds I had an appointment to get Fuji fixed. February 11th is the day. Fuji can hardly wait and is purring like a kitten. As for me, I'll believe it when I see it.

( Ed. note - As for the hood, he turned out to be a Republican in Democrat clothing making trouble for the Obama administration and Toyota. He ended up swallowing his words.)

Just Be Patient

My Toyota Corolla is not very happy these days. The papers and Wolf Blitzer are taking all kinds of pot shots at it. At my car's urging I called my Toyota dealer and asked how soon I could bring the car in to get it it purged of a potentially sticky or even stuck gas pedal. "As soon as we get the parts and train our technicians". I could hear my Corolla (its nickname is Fuji) screaming, " That's not good enough, I can feel a migraine coming on!". The technician heard the frantic plea and shouted over the phone, " TWO WEEKS". I told Fuji to be patient. Maybe there was a Valentine's gift in store for it.

In the meantime Fuji is calm. doing its job, getting me around very economically and shows no signs of erupting. Stay tuned!

Kick Ass For Jesus

“Flock Is Now A Fight Team In Some Ministries” - the headline for this article in the New York Times made it a must read item. It seems that some evangelical churches are embracing martial arts in an effort to attract young men to their ministries.

“Mr. Renken’s ministry is one of a small but growing number of evangelical churches that have embraced mixed martial arts — a sport with a reputation for violence and blood that combines kickboxing, wrestling and other fighting styles — to reach and convert young men, whose church attendance has been persistently low“.

Some pastors say the goal "is to inject some machismo into their ministries — and into the image of Jesus — in the hope of making Christianity more appealing.”

Another pastor was ouoted saying , “what led me to find Christ was that Jesus was a fighter.” (He sure took one hell of a beating without going into a violent defense!)


In these so called ministries, compassion is secondary to violence. Violence can make someone religious , so kick ass and beat some body's brains out. That's the masculine way! Females need not apply! It’s a wonder that the promise of seventy-two virgins in the afterlife is not used to attract male losers. Could it be that someone in need of violent ways to prove their masculinity obviously suffer from erectile dysfunction?

Organized religious movements, be they Christian, Jewish or Muslim, preaching violence in the name of some prophet are the roots of war and enemies of peace on earth, good will toward men!