Bless me Father for I have sinned. My last confession was six monrhs ago on my blog. This is my first in this cage.
You say you prefer to call it a confessional box, well that's OK with me.
The point I wanted to make is that I say I'm sorry frequently, but it does not seem to do much good. Whoever is listening to my cries of sorrow is ignoring me completely. Your box is my last resort. Unless you believe I'm sorry and grant me that thing called absolution I'll be in deep shit trouble. Right at the start I must tell you that I tried Absolut but only succeeded in getting stinking drunk. I'm willing to do some sort of penance if you push some of that absolution my way.
Why am I here?
Don't you read the sports pages?
The Indians got clobbered 12-0 last night by of all teams, the Royals. While that debacle was going on, my elected representatives were toying around with some sort of debt ceiling bill which guarantees that I will die a pauper. Everything that's important to me is going down a rat hole and I know it must be my fault.
Exactly what I've done to deserve the embarrassment of the Indians and their brand of baseball is beyond me but I know it's my fault. I'm sorry for their performance. I beg of you, anything you can do to assemble some pitchers, hitters and good glovemen for the team would be appreciated. How the hell you might be able to do that is a mystery to me. The fact that the owners are good Catholics might be a clue. Next time they are in this box, just threaten them with no absolution unless they part with some of their money to get some ballplayers. As a last resort , if indeed it's all my fault, I'm willing to switch my allegiance to teams in the Central Division, one team at a time, in order to even the playing field. If it turns out that the demise of the Indians is more the fault of the Chief Wahoo curse could you perform one of those exercise - scratch that- exorcism things?
I truly am sorry about the ineptness of the Indians.
As for the United States Congress, I can only say that my lack of activism is probably responsible for the collection of imbeciles who have messed up the country. Mia culpa, mia culpa! Pardone, pardone!
On second thought I take that back. This whole debt ceiling mess is not my fault anymore than it is yours. That being the case, I'm not confessing a thing. If indeed I did anything wrong, I'm keeping it a secret.
Confused by my attitude? No reason to be confused. What's going on in Washington is what is confusing. I don't understand the whole fucking mess. Sorry about that, I know that the word fuck does not belong in a confessional box, although I'm sure this is not the first time it has been used in this box. Someone took the time to scratch it on the wall.
I do remember using the words 'sexual intercourse' rather than fuck in a confessional back in my teenager days or was it layed.
No matter, back to the debt ceiling. If I don't understand the fucking mess it can't be my fault anymore than it's yours.
Now that you've listened to my confession, I'm sure that you have concluded that I should not even be here in this box. I'm sorry if I've bothered you. Just so it's not a complete waste of time for either of us why not join me for some Absolut after work. We can talk about that penance thing.