Campaigning Made Simple

Yesterday I wrote I wouldn't strike another keystroke about Campaign 2012. Call me a flip flopper but I couldn't resist this short course in the basics of campaigning.


  1. Always accuse your opponent of stealing your yard signs, especially if you don't have any.
  2. End every speech with 'God bless America'.
  3. As often as possible, wear designer jeans - preferably worn at the knees ( this will prove that you pray several times a day).
  4. As often as possible appear in public sans a tie. Make sure that your collar is unbuttoned otherwise you will look like an Iranian politician.
  5. Be sure to find evidence that your opponent is a flip flopper even if you have to make it up.
  6. Remind everyone that you are dedicated to keeping America strong.
  7. Talk about family members who were immigrants, even if you have to go back five generations. Be sure to state that they got here legally and learned to speak English.
  8. Get a Facebook page but do not post on your wall.
  9. Get on Twitter but do not tweet.
  10. Above all, get a wealthy patron.

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