If I were a politician running for reelection this fall, I would be screaming, "Enough already! Why don't you people make up your minds" as I released this announcement.
You my loyal constituents are driving me bananas. First you tell me that fixing the economy is your number one priority. Then you make it more restrictive by telling me its jobs, jobs, jobs. Somewhere in between you were belligerent about health care costs. Now I read that you consider illegal immigration as our number one problem. Which problem am I supposed to respond to? I've only got a limited amount of funds to spend on my campaign and I can't craft an answer to all these problems. I find myself talking out of both sides of my mouth and that ain't good. You people are too fickle. I've always been creative in finding ways to scam you, but you are making my job impossible. Are you really telling me that we are in one hell of a mess? If so you had better be looking for a more creative a*hole to represent you. This one needs to spend more time with his family. I always thought getting away from them was good for my mental health but I'm convinced that their demands will be easier to deal with than yours. Rehab is also an alternative. I slipped in an amendment to the health care bill which provides for five years of rehab in Florida for thoroughly disgusted politicians. If you ever make up your minds about what the hell you really want, let me know. I'm always available for a comeback. "