In last night's Downton Abbey episode we learned that Lord Grantham has been summoned to America by his wealthy mother-in-law to assist in some legal matters concerning a ner-do-well brother-in-law. Mr. Bates, the Earl's valet of record, cannot accompany him since he is busy getting to the bottom of who raped his wife. As a result, Thomas, the creepy assistant butler, will accompany Lord Grantham. The starchy Lord would be in dire straights if he had to dress himself.
I mused a bit about Thomas and Robert (the Earl i.e.) being in old New York together. Wily Thomas and horny Robert are bound to get into shit up to their asses. This would have the makings of a sequel to Downton Abbey. I suggest that the sequel be named Downtown Alley.
I can see it clearly. Thomas gets a New York street walker to seduce Robert. In turn, Robert knocks up the streetwalker. All efforts to get her to have an abortion fail. It seems the street walker is also a Tea Partier and despite her liberal views on sex, she is adamant that every bastard conceived by a son of bitch has a right to life.
Fast forward sixteen years. In a dark alley, affectionately known as Downtown Alley, snuggled behind one of the Bronx's tenements, a fast talking young man, known as the Earl, with his sidekick, Tom is holding court over a bunch of juvenile delinquents. The Earl is explaining that the city's mayor has announced that the Bronx has been sold to a tribe of Native Americans and all the bastard residents have thirty days to vacate the alleys. The Earl went on to say, that he and Tom were stowing away on a boat bound for England. Tom had convinced him that he had a good shot at claiming an estate known as Downton Abbey.
At this point, I'll leave the subsequent story line (for a few pounds) to Justin Fellowes.
Ed Note: After publishing this post it occurred to me that years ago I watched a movie, The Earl of Chicago, which had some similarity to my Downtown Alley plot. I plead not guilty to the crime of plagiarism. Being a Prince (I was sometimes referred to as Il Principe in my youth), I throw myself upon the mercy of the House of Lords.