When I picked up the morning paper yesterday and started to read it, I quickly noticed that some sort of a news blackout had been imposed except for pages and pages about the NFL Draft and some spectacle going on in London. The latter involved some family named Royal. I'm a little confused as to whether a beheading , a family reunion,an orgy or a wedding was to take place. Rather than sort out the details , I decided to concentrate on the NFL Draft which proved even more confusing than the Royal family affair.
Hoping to clarify what was going on with the NFL Draft, I made plans to tune in the experts on ESPN later in the day. Big mistake! If the accounts of the draft in the papers confused me, the football analysts on ESPN simply blew my mind. After the first few minutes I called Time Warner to verify whether or not the program was being televised in English. Their automated phone system got me to someone with an Indian accent who volunteered to add HBO to my account at half price for six months. I hung up while I was still solvent and returned to the TV set. Some macho guy was talking about a tight end. It seems as though tight ends are in demand these days which has given MADD fits. The analyst's partner reminded him that a tight end went well with a wide receiver. That made absolutely no sense. If someone had a tight end why would they need a wide receiver.
Things got out of hand when it was announced that some team had drafted an offensive lineman. Who in their right mind would have anything to do with an offensive player when there were so many decent players available. Nonetheless the experts agreed that the offensive lineman was a good pick in order to protect the quarterback. They acted as though a quarterback is the king pin of a team. I'm not a football expert, but common sense tells me that a full back is four times better than a quarter of a back.
When they started talking about about an outside linebacker versus an inside linebacker I had enough. I never realized that football players were so specialized that there were those who played outside and those who played inside under a roofed stadium. It was time to switch to a rerun of "Law And Order" which was running the story of a football player indicted for voluntary manslaughter.
As an epilogue it would be worthwhile to hope that the NFL draftees will enjoy being deployed to Afghanistan once their training is completed. As for the Royal family they should be invited to have their next reunion in Las Vegas where divorce courts are very efficient.