Formula For Success In Today's Politics

Suddenly it's gotten rather easy to run for public office except for one thing which I'll get to later. The winning formula to get a nomination and possibly win the the erection, sorry, I meant the election ( if you do get elected there will be plenty of time for screwing), is so simple even an idiot can grasp it and plenty of idiots have done exactly that.

1. First and foremost, clear your lungs and at the risk of damaging your vocal chords shout that you are angry.Not just that you are angry but that you are raving mad. Who are you angry with? Be sure to articulate, as difficult as that task may be, that you are mad at everyone who has tried to bring some sense of order to our once great democracy. How well you express your lunacy will get you the support of your fellow travelers who have loosely organized themselves into something called The Tea Party.
2. Secondly, you must swear on the Bible ( be sure it's the Bible and not the Koran) that you have not read a book in the last decade other than Sarah Palin's. Accomplishing that will get you noted as a Palinista if you really can stomach the notoriety.
3. Thirdly, and this is very important, you must learn how to put words together which will convince everyone that you are a complete idiot. The idea is to come across as stupid since many believe that only the stupid are immune from corruption. The fact that this is not true should not bother you. If elected you can find a mentor to show you the ropes.
4. Fourthly and last be very, very careful that you do not take a position on issues other than to keep repeating in an angry voice that you are against big government, taxes and immigration. You must not fall into the trap of having to defend your position. Doing so will lose you the support of The Tea Party and the Palinistas.

   At the onset, I indicated that only one thing stands in the way of this winning formula. Money! If you're a billionaire you are in good shape, providing you did not steal the money. The latter is true only if you left a paper trail. If you didn't, your opponent will become a pauper trying to prove that you are no better than a thief. If you spent your last million, your only out is to come up with a sugar daddy and be prepared to get fucked - that's what sugar daddy's do. Don't look to The Tea Party or Palinistas for monetary support, they are merely cheerleaders.

Hopefully the electorate will see through this winning formula and send the bastards who adopt it packing, but I wouldn't bet on it.