- He couldn’t find his way to first base if you gave him a seeing eye dog
- He couldn't catch the ball if you handed it to him
- He couldn't get the ball over the plate even with a GPS device
- He runs like he has a corn cob up his ass
- He swings the bat like he was chasing flies
- Baseball players don't cry, but fans do
It pays to read the fine print. What I really meant is that bad mouthing will cease if we win at least one game per week.