- I support free enterprise- the enterprising rich get a free pass on taxes
- We need to return to Reaganomics- 'trickle down economics' is good for the rich - it will make them richer. When they piss on the masses there will only be a trickle because of enlarged prostrates.
- I will bring transparency to government- What you see is what you get.
- I'll get the country moving- Probably to Canada.
- We need to keep America strong- During my first day in office, I will sign an executive order requiring health insurance companies to provide free gym memberships for all Americans. Illegal aliens will get memberships for a small co-pay.
- The American Dream must become a reality for all- I will legalize LSD. All employers must provide free LSD in their insurance plans.
- We are a Christian country- All atheists, agnostics and non - believers will be sent to Guantanamo.
- We must conserve energy- I will sign an executive order mandating a two hour afternoon siesta for all workers. The unemployed can sleep as long as they like.
- I will be a 24/7 President- except when I'm running for re-election.
Platforms are meant to stand on
I had a dream - make that a nightmare. In that nightmare, I was running for President of this great Republic. I found myself using all kinds of political cliches. Here' a sampling: