Genric Political Strategist For Hire

I've decided to become a generic political strategist.  Not a  Democrat Strategist or a Republican Strategist but a Generic Strategist. Neither major party would have me so I've gone generic. The major parties do not know what they are missing. I'm eminently qualified to fill the role of a political strategist. First of all I say dumb, stupid things the likes of which would put Hilary Rosen to shame. Secondly I'm very apologetic. My apologies are as sincere as what I said in the first place. Thirdly, my neck is not arthritic which permits my head to bobble. The latter is important in order to qualify as a talking head on the Wolf Blitzer CNN Situation Room. Last but by no means least, I know very little about presidential politics so I would enter any strategy session with an open mind. At the urging of Newt Gingrich I'm giving Obama and or Romney one last chance to invite me into their inner circles. I doubt that they will take me up on my offer since one of my conditions for employment is that I will have nothing to do with their wives.