7/30/11

Bless me Father for I have sinned again!

Bless me Father for I have sinned.  My last confession was six monrhs ago on my blog. This is my first in this cage.

 You say you prefer to call it a confessional box, well that's OK with me.

 The point I wanted to make is that I say I'm sorry frequently, but it does not seem to do much good. Whoever is listening to my cries of sorrow is ignoring me completely. Your box is my last resort. Unless you believe I'm sorry and grant me that thing called absolution I'll be in deep shit trouble. Right at the start I must tell you that I tried Absolut but only succeeded in getting stinking drunk. I'm willing to do some sort of penance if you push some of that absolution my way.

Why am I here?

 Don't you read the sports pages?

 The Indians got clobbered 12-0 last night by of all teams, the Royals. While that debacle was going on, my elected representatives were toying around with some sort of debt ceiling bill which guarantees that I will die a pauper. Everything that's important to me is going down a rat hole and I know it must be my fault.

 Exactly what I've done to deserve the embarrassment of the Indians and their brand of baseball is beyond me but I know it's my fault. I'm sorry for their performance. I beg of you, anything you can do to assemble some pitchers, hitters and good glovemen for the team  would be appreciated. How the hell you might be able to do that is a mystery to me. The fact that the owners are good Catholics might be a clue. Next time they are in this box, just threaten them with no absolution unless they part with some of their money to get some ballplayers. As a last resort , if indeed it's all my fault, I'm willing to switch my allegiance to teams in the Central Division, one team at a time, in order to even the playing field. If it turns out that the demise of the Indians is more the fault of the Chief Wahoo curse could you perform one of those exercise - scratch that- exorcism things?

 I truly am sorry about the ineptness of the Indians.

As for the United States Congress, I can only say that my lack of activism is probably responsible for the collection of imbeciles who have messed up the country. Mia culpa, mia culpa! Pardone, pardone!

 On second thought I take that back. This whole debt ceiling mess is not my fault anymore than it is yours. That being the case,  I'm not confessing a thing. If indeed I did anything wrong, I'm keeping it a secret.

 Confused by my  attitude? No reason to be confused. What's going on in Washington is what is confusing. I don't understand the whole fucking mess. Sorry about that, I know that the word fuck  does not belong in a confessional box, although I'm sure this is not the first time it has been used in this box. Someone took the time to scratch it on the wall.

 I do remember using the words 'sexual intercourse' rather than fuck in a confessional back in my teenager days or was it layed.

 No matter, back to the debt ceiling. If I don't understand the fucking mess  it can't be my fault anymore than it's yours.

Now that you've listened to my confession, I'm sure that you have concluded that I should not even be here in this box. I'm sorry if I've bothered you. Just so it's not a complete waste of time for either of us why not join me for some Absolut after work. We can talk about that penance thing.

7/29/11

Too Qualified For The Job

The Plain Dealer reported this morning  that the Cuyahoga County Executive has stopped a former top aid to Jimmy Dimora from running ethics classes for County employees. Jimmy Dimora is a former County Commissioner who is awaiting trial on a bushel full of corruption charges. This action on the part of County officials is short sighted. Who better to lead an ethics class for those who play with taxpayer's money than a former aid to an official who was a master at lining his own pockets at the taxpayer's expense. Surely the aid must have learned something about  ethics  or more accurately the lack of ethics from his boss.  County officials may have acted too hastily in dismissing Dimora's former top aid as an ethics instructor. It appears to me that he was well qualified. Or was he over qualified?

7/27/11

Liar, liar - your pants are on fire!

Recently I sat at the keyboard and started to tap out a profound post. I found myself using the words “not too far from the truth” which unleashed a torrent of thoughts. I wondered, if something is not too far from the truth, does that mean a lie can be considered the truth if it suits one purpose. Is that what is called a white lie as opposed to a complete falsehood? Are falsehoods and the truth related?

Fortunately there is a wealth of information about truth and falsehoods. Some of it is true and some must be taken with a grain of salt. Most of  what I have written is attributed to great men too numerous to list (not quite the truth, too lazy to list them is not too far from the truth). I have assembled these sayings to suit my purposes. Questioning these purposes will only invoke the response, “ask me no questions and I will tell you no lies”.  Not that I would want to lie. I can but I prefer not to. I swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

It is always the false that makes you suffer, the false desires and fears, the false values and ideas, the false relationships between people. Abandon the false and you are free of pain; truth makes happy, truth liberates but lies make the world go around.

Consider this, a lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. A lie may have speed, but after putting on its shoes, the truth has endurance. This would lead one to conclude that the truth lives forever. Not necessarily. While a lie is speedily being spread throughout the world, it becomes the truth. Truth after all is obscure. Falsehood on the other hand is so established, that, unless we love the truth, we cannot know it. Loving the truth can be difficult, whereas embracing falsehoods is much more facile.

Ask yourself why peace in our world is so elusive. The answer is that peace demands the most heroic labor and the most difficult sacrifice. It demands greater heroism than war. It demands greater fidelity to the truth and a perfect purity of conscience. Lofty goals. Traits found in very few people. Peace will be elusive!

There are those who believe that it's essential to tell the truth at all times. This will reduce life's pain. Lying distorts reality, therefore; all forms of distorted thinking must be corrected. Who is to judge what is distorted thinking. Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth even if it‘s a lie. The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. However, the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. Wow! Confused? Peace will be elusive!

It has also been said that a generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things, which renew humanity. I’ll bet your bottom dollar that humanity is still rusting away.  Peace will be elusive!

At the onset I hoped I absolved myself of any attempts at plagiarism. Let me lay my cards on the table and not beat about the bush. If you find all this tough to swallow feel free to shout, “liar, liar, your pants are on fire”. Be advised, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

7/22/11

NFL Football In September Is A Shoe In

At the onset I must admit that this post is not objective. I'm not a huge football fan. I'm only a little football fan. Having said that, I'm not exactly celebrating that that the NFL billionaire owners and the NFL millionaire players are a shoe in to get into their play pen in September and go through the antics of a sport referred to as football but more closely resembling mob violence. As an aside , since shoe in popped into my mind ( it didn't hurt) , I decided to research the origin of the cliche. Well, it's a fraud. The damn cliche is misspelled . The expression is more properly shoo in. What the hell the shoo means I'm not quite sure, so I'll settle for shoe.  If the shoe fits wear it - football in September is a shoe in.

  Paul Daugherty of the Cincinnati Enquirer put it more succinctly: "Evidently, the lockout is close to ending. There will be football. It can't be helped."

Are you ready for some mayhem!

7/17/11

Duffer Days


Absolutely no respect (early 50's)
While walking this morning and observing the golfers hacking away at golf balls I had a flashback to yesteryear when I dared to venture out on a golf course. I was undoubtedly one of the worse duffers who dared to intimidate a golf ball. My first set of golf clubs came straight out of a pawn shop. I purchased these relics shortly after my college graduation. My good friend Ernie and I decided that since we had been duly certified as professional men we should adopt that gentleman's game called golf. No lessons, just what we learned through observing other golfers. Needless to say we became the talk of the club house. Keep away from those duffers was the thread of the conversations. My friend Ernie went on to become a respectable golfer. I went on to become a feared golfer. Everyone was afraid I would invite myself to a golf match. The photo above gives you some idea of the respect I received. My golfing days ended abruptly. I woke up one morning - very, very early- and got ready to drive out to a golf course to meet some friends. It suddenly occurred to me that I was not looking forward to hacking away at a golf ball, losing a ton of balls, embarrassing myself and missing out on some needed sleep. I did not keep my golf date. I mentioned earlier that my first set of golf clubs came from a pawn shop. My last set of golf clubs ended up in the trash. I tried to sell my clubs but I was unceremoniously informed that no self respecting golfer would be seen dead with them. I must admit, I did have some fun playing golf. I've had more fun watching the golf tournaments on TV. Considering my reputation as a duffer, it is ironical that I now reside in a community surrounded by a golf course. So far I have not been asked to vacate the premises.

7/13/11

Making An Ass of Oneself

On a recent shopping trip to a supermarket I approached the bakery department and found myself staring at a bun - not the special of the day but a bun peering out of hip hugger jeans. Bent over selecting some doughnuts was a middle aged lady, who had slinked into jeans at least one size too small. To make matters worse , the lady undoubtedly had chosen to be sans underpants. When she straightened up, I thought the bun or more properly ass would retreat to its home but obviously the jeans were more accurately two sizes too small. The ass was meant to be exhibited for all to see. The greatest shock came when she turned around. Holy cow, she had a face that would stop a clock. No wonder she walked around with her ass exposed, it was by far her best feature. Not only would her face stop a clock but it would scare a dog out of a butcher shop or at best was a face only a mother could love. I may be doing the poor woman an injustice but thrusting her ass in my face left me no alternative. She made an ass of herself but I'm grateful to her for this post.

7/11/11

As American as ____

There was a time when there was nothing as American as apple pie. In this day of globalization and NAFTA that is not necessarily true.

The top three sources of imported apples and apple products for the United States are Chile, New Zealand and Canada. Chances are that the apple pie you are about to devour was made using imported apples.

If we can’t rely on apple pie as the all time American dessert, there is always baseball. Everyone knows that baseball is the favorite American pastime, unless you’re a dyed in the wool football fan. If you are, your opinion at this time does not count - there is something called a lockout that is going on which means there may not be any football this fall. On the other hand, football fans might argue that there is nothing more American than a lockout. Bad argument - a lockout is not to be confused with a strike. A strike is as American as apple pie - oops, we've already established that's questionable. A lockout however borders on fascism - which is hardly American. But I’m going around in circles. Lets get back to baseball.

Lets face it, the game is tainted and nothing tainted should be America's pastime. The game of baseball was supposed to be played by 9 players on each team. Now we have one league, which dares to call itself American, that allows 9 ½ on a team. The ½ player is called a designated hitter. The position is reserved for an elderly player who can no longer catch or throw a ball but can swing a bat. He is not a baseball player any longer , he is a bat player. This is almost as bad as imported apples in apple pie.

If the designated hitter is not enough to eat away the fabric of America’s favorite pastime, interleague play is on its way to completing the job. In the glory days of baseball, there was an American League champion or a pennant winner who played the pennant winner of the National League in The World Series. With interleague play it is possible to have a champion in a league, who earned the honor by defeating more teams in the other league. Not fair! 

If I’m wrong I will be glad to eat humble pie which is better than eating crow. Of course all of my arguments melt away when one realizes that there is nothing more America than making money. In America money talks ( as long as the debt limit keeps rising). If the designated hitter brings in cash for the owners it must be OK. If interleague play makes the registers play “ Take Me Out To The Ballgame” it must be OK. Last but not least, if the apple pie is delicious, does anyone really care that the apples came from New Zealand- although that’s getting pretty close to China who by the way supplies the money which people invest in baseball teams.

When push comes to pull, trying to label something as American is spinning one's wheels. NASCAR? Why not?

 ( Having the designated hitter in baseball can be forgiven as long as Jim Thome and his aching back come through with  home run number 600 in the near future.  Go get it Thome and then give that weary back a long rest.)

 

7/8/11

Great Baseball Writing

Paul Hoynes, The Plain Dealer  beat writer for the Cleveland Indians, came up with a gem in writing about the game versus Toronto on 7/7. Just a few words vividly described the first eight innings of  baseball.

"For eight innings Progressive Field sounded like a college library during spring break. It seemed as if the Indians had hung a do not disturb sign on the locker room door after taking two out of three from the Yankees. "

Long before the ninth inning , I had abandoned my beloved Indians. Wouldn't you know it, Hafner hit a game winning home run in the ninth. The college library became a stadium of roaring fans and I didn't get to enjoy the moment.

7/5/11

From Superpower To Banana Republic In One Easy Step

In A New York Times article, Sam Dillon reports that " as budgets are trimmed, time in class is shortened". He goes on to write:

"After several years of state and local budget cuts, thousands of school districts across the nation are gutting summer-school programs, cramming classes into four-day weeks or lopping days off the school year, even though virtually everyone involved in education agrees that American students need more instruction time."

The article is all about the struggle to provide the education needed by our young people in order to survive in today' world. It is unthinkable that when push comes to shove, those who administer our schools and local budgets will make do with less bucks for education. What is worse is that parents will let them get away with shortchanging their offspring.

I'm convinced that strong public school education for all is what made this nation a superpower. If we  make education a low priority for our tax dollars we will produce a generation incapable of coping with modern technology. We will be led rather than lead. Of course the rich will have no problem educating their darlings in a private school, thus ensuring that we evolve into a nation of aristocrats and serfs. How long will the serfs be content with their status in society?      

7/4/11

Happy Independence Day

The Fourth of July, a time for picnics, a time for fireworks, a time to remember that it is Independence Day, a time to remember the founding fathers who planted the seeds for a great nation. After the last hot dog comes off the grill and the last blast of a rocket is heard, it will be time to remember that tomorrow will come, and with it all the formidable problems facing this great nation. We will awaken to a Congress stalemated because of the political agenda of opposing political parties. We will awaken to a Republican Party determined to make Obama a one term President and the hell with the consequences. We will awaken to a Democrat Party which because of its wimpy leaders is playing into the hands of the Republicans. We will awaken to a Supreme Court which is determined to take us back to the days of Robber Barons. We will awaken to wars and unrest through out the world which are taxing our military strength and fiscal responsibilities. We will awaken to an economy which is eroding the American Dream. We will awaken to the strong possibility that this great nation will do the unthinkable and reneg on its debts. This nightmare needs to end. Will the real Barack Obama please step forth before it's too late. HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY! 


7/3/11

Relief For Drought Stricken Texans

Just in time for the 4th
Every red blooded American will celebrating Independence Day. Most celebrations will culminate with fireworks except in Texas where the drought has led to restrictions on fireworks displays. If the local authorities do not permit pyrotechnics, Texans do have an alternative. Thanks to American ingenuity and Trojan, they will be able to make their own fireworks and save $2 in the process. My research has not determined whether or not the pictured kits bear the Made-In-China label. If they do and were produced in some shoddy slave labor shop, July 4 may be the birth date of a slew of slanty eyed Texans.

7/2/11

Future Presidential Candidate Material?

Enough to bring tears to her eyes
Picked this up in a social network conversation dealing with a picture of The Statue of Liberty:

"Is that that statue of liberty thing that everyone makes a big deal about? Looks like a real piece of shit if you ask me. But I'm not an art person."

The comment came from a recent college graduate! Makes one wonder how that's possible unless History is no longer taught in schools. In light of the recent gaffes by Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann, the individual commenting, although not an art person, is undoubtedly presidential candidate material . Enough to bring tears to one's eyes.

The high primal suggested that the comment was a "put on" and not representative of the person's knowledge. Hope she is right.