Happy 100th Day

Glad the 100th day of the Obama presidency has finally arrived. Evidentally he got a good report card. I suspect that all the networks except Fox have agreed to let him continue with his presidency. Looking forward to the next 1360 days!

Hold The Celebrating

Specter joins the Democrats! I can imagine the machinations the Republicans are going through to deny the Democrats that magical 60th vote in the Senate. By this time the Republicans have probably promised Lieberman the 2012 nomination if he joins their caucus.

Today's Headlines

Swine Flu Spreads From Mexico To The United States- was this part of NAFTA?
Doctor Shortage Hampers Obama's Health Care Initiative - I didn't know that we needed a doctor to heal a broken health care system. But then again they broke it in the first place!
Geithner Forged Strong Ties With Wall Street Executives - during his time as President of the New York Federal Reserve Geithner got very chummy with Wall Street executives. Am I supposed to be shocked? Who else could understand his finance talk.
More Atheists Shout It From the Rooftops - That's all we need, another movement. Gay movements, pro-life movements, right to life movements, civil rights movements, green earth movements, atheist movements. How about an agnostic movement? Pass the Imodium.
Ellsbury Steals Home As BoSox Sweep Yanks - Whose home did he steal? The Yankees deserve to be swept, they stink!

It's All About Bats

The Cleveland Indians lost the game last night. I thought it was because of lousy hitting until I picked up this morning's paper and a headline on the first page blared - Bats are quiet as Royals shut out Tribe, 2-0. The Indians lost because the bats were quiet?

Surely great baseball minds would have known that the bats would be quiet last night. It was cold and rainy last night. Don’t play baseball on a cold, rainy night! Bats are quiet in cold weather. They rarely fly in rain - the rain interferes with their echo location, and they are unable to locate their food.

Of course there is a down side to playing baseball when bats are active. It might drive the fans away, especially when the bats belong to the opposing team. The Commisioner should rule that the visiting team must leave their bats at home. Problem solved!

Quiet bats are just another dilemma for the Indians in their young, losing season. Without batting an eye the Manager  says that he is analyzing the team’s woes and would make adjustments to Spring training next year. Now there’s an optimistic Manager! What makes him think he’ll be around next year if his team keeps losing. He must have bats in his belfry!

My suggestion is that the team contact the Cleveland Zoo and borrow some bats which are capable of making the ball fly! Balls that fly? Hmmmm.....

What's With The Name Calling?

The political arena these days resembles an elementary school playground! The GOP bullies are out in force calling Obama and his administration everything in the books.

References to socialism and even fascism are glibly tossed about . I guess its supposed to make us rise up in anger and toss the bastards out.

I wonder if their strategists recall that playground chant, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. ...".

If the Obama administration needs a label , how about " a bunch of liberal pragmatists". I'll vote for that.

Know It All Speak!

Read my lips. Take my word for it, its not over until the fat lady sings. That’s the bottom line.

Mission Accomplished

I couldn't help but notice this article in Sunday's New York Times . Baghdad is now secure enough to sin. A city once famous for 1,001 varieties of pleasures is seeing a resurrection of vice . It looks like we've done our job. Saddam Hussein is gone , vice is back, mission accomplished, time to leave!

“boop-oop-be-doop.”

Betty Boop has always been one of my favorite cartoon characters. Betty and I go back a long ways. She is a constant reminder of my youth in the form of a magnet on our refrigerator door. (The door is well insulated so her Jazz Age flapper dress is not a problem.)

Betty Boop was the darling of the Depression days and was one hot babe with her short dresses, high heels,a garter belt. and a cleavage which would not quit. She would put our modern day floozies to shame.

So where is all this headed? Well in search of some Betty Boop cartoons on You Tube I came upon a startling revelation. One Betty Boop cartoon was banned from TV! My Betty got herself in some hot water. She took part in a cartoon with racial overtones and suffered the same fate as Don Imus. Notwithstanding the racial overtones,it was funny. As for the racist aspects, I realized that when the cartoon was made it was very much in tune with life as it was the 1930’s. It is shocking now only because we have come a long way in respect to stereotypes. You can judge for yourself.

More On Honorary Degrees

A suggestion for the President. Your honorary degree from Notre Dame will be tainted, Arizona State is still saying no degree so why not travel to Oz where the Wizard hands out those degrees with no straw - oops- strings attached.

ASU Has Something For The President

Arizona State University has reconsidered and will honor the President when he gives their commencement address. Obama will be honored with a program named The President Barack Obama Scholars. NO HONORARY DEGREE!!

As I understand it , Obama will be invited to dinner, dinner will be served in the kitchen, he pays for his dinner with an entertaining speech, and he gets to take home any leftovers.

Arizona State Snubs Obama

What is it with Barack Obama and universities? Yet another institution of questionable learning has dissed the President. He may speak but no degree. Obama should consider using a different deodorant when he's around hallowed universities such as Arizona State. Better yet, why honor any of them until they have proven worthy of hosting the President of The United States. ( How the hell did "George the Bush" earn those honorary degrees? I know , he learned English as a second language.)

I understand Arizona State is reconsidering its decision not to award Obama a honorary degree. How nice! How long will the debate last?

Mad As A Wet Hen

I always thought that " mad as a wet hen" was the perfect way to describe someone who was furious or upset. As a matter of fact, whoever coined the expression " mad as a wet hen" was talking through his hat. I understand that rarely if wet do hens get upset. I'm mad as a wet rooster!

Notre Dame- A University Or A Temple

Notre Dame is usually described as a prestigious university. Events of the last week have me questioning that description. Some Holy Cross priest/professors together with their flock of close minded students are protesting the right of The President of The United States to speak at their university's commencement. The issue is Obama's views on abortion. The implication to me is that no one who disagrees with the Catholic viewpoint should be allowed on the campus of the esteemed Notre Dame University.

If this protest is successful does it mean that home football games against colleges and universities carrying abortion rights supporters on their squads will be cancelled? Will students who do not pass the abortion litmus test be expelled?

Protesting against abortion is the right of any student or priest. If they insist on making it a stand of their university, then a prestigious university will morph into a prestigious temple.

Looking Back At The Great Depression

The Ohio Department of Aging is soliciting stories from Ohioans who lived through the Great Depression of the 1930s so that the sacrifices they made and the lessons they learned may be shared with other generations currently facing tough economic times. Other generations facing tough economic times? Sounded like “brother can you spare a dime”. A dime I’ve got as well as the time, so I thought I’d send reams of data. It turned out my data wasn’t worth a plug nickel. No tear jerking experiences, just some thoughts on the Great Depression. I’m sure the ODA wanted some cerebral views along with the tear jerking and chest pounding views it was sure to get, so I e-mailed them these words for their archives.

How did I live through the Depression of 1930’s? I thought surely I had a lot to share. My struggles, my sacrifices, my adaptations. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks ( couldn’t resist the cliché)! It wasn’t so bad. Why, because if you were poor before The Great Depression, being poor during The Great Depression was not traumatic. Besides, living in an ethnic ghetto as a young boy you really did not know how green the grass was on the other side of the fence ( I swear clichés came out of The Great Depression).

During the Depression my diet did not change, my threadbare clothes did not change. I did not go hungry and all my basic needs were provided. Yes, my parents lost the house and my father lost his job. One thing he didn’t loose was his spirit. Through the W.P.A., aid from veterans organizations and community gardens provided by the city we survived. No one griped other than an occasional “that SOB, Hoover” from my mother.

I do remember my father coming home from his W.P.A. job one wintry morning, his ears twice their normal size from frost bite.

Boys my age carted a shoeshine box downtown to shine the shoes of those could afford a dime. Boys my age hawking newspapers on the street was not uncommon. Playing with a makeshift football - salt sack full of leaves- on the street was fun. Most people walked to stores , their place of work or a welfare agency. Again, they walked before the Depression also - cars were always scarce in my neighborhood.

The Great Depression years taught several lessons. Get an education - learn how the other half lives! From my father, no sacrifice is too great for the welfare of your family. If adversity strikes don’t whine- adapt!

As much as some may complain about big government, it was big government that got us through The Great Depression ( with a little help from Hitler)!

Our Money's Worth

Just thinking about Barack Obama's itinerary during the past week leaves me exhausted. Whatever we're paying him , we certainly are getting our money's worth. He deserves a vacation when he gets back. The first Republican to gripe that he's taking time off during a crisis should be put on an ice flo!

A Tale That Did Not Need To Be Told ( Or How To Flush Your Mind Of Clichés)

Joe The Hedge Fund Broker was raking the money in hand over fist. He and his partner Dinah were living it up as if there was no tomorrow. “Work hard and play hard” was Joe’s motto while Dinah countered with “shop until you drop”.

Tomorrow came nevertheless. Joe was so busy trading derivatives that he had no time to sink his teeth into the Wall Street Journal financial reports or even to lend an ear to CNBC pundits. The handwriting was on the wall but he did everything by the seat of his pants and inevitably was caught with his pants down.

Joe was sleeping like a baby when Dinah got him up at the crack of dawn. She was as agitated` as a cat on a hot tin roof and handed him the paper. The paper’s headline screamed that the bottom had fallen out of the stock market. To make matters worse Joe’s brokerage was on the verge of bankruptcy. Once he got the cobwebs out of his head he groaned, “Unbelievable, I thought I knew the market like the back of my hand but that‘s the way the ball bounces.”

A distraught Dinah exclaimed “You obviously don’t know your ass from a hole in the ground. You were never able to see the forest for the trees. It looks like we may be living from hand - to - mouth and that‘s not my cup of tea.”

An irritated Joe replied, “Doesn’t that beat the band! I’ve been bringing home the bacon for years and at the first sign of trouble you want to jump ship. I thought our lives were hand in glove!” With that, things went from bad to worse.

“You’ve got it baby! I’m tired of waiting on you hand and foot and being at your beck and call. I was only along for the ride. Now that you’re broke, you can bet your bottom dollar that I’ll be splitting. Living with you hasn’t exactly been a bed of roses. I may take Larry The Cable Guy up his offer .” taunted Dinah.

Giving her the back of his hand, Joe shouted, “That’s the last straw, you pig!.”

“Are you calling me a slut?”

“If the shoe fits, wear it!”

After all the dust settled, Joe and Dinah went their separate ways.

As for Dinah , the bottom line is that Larry The Cable guy was only interested in a one night stand. She ended up with the short end of the stick. As Dinah sampled every Tom, Dick and Harry, Joe began to look pretty good. As a matter of fact she learned through the grapevine that Joe had received a five hundred thousand dollar retention bonus after his firm got a Federal bailout. Dinah decided that the better part of valor would be to let bygones be bygones and to bury the hatchet. Her calls to Joe the Alderman went unanswered! I forgot to mention that Joe is now a politician.

That’s the way the way the cookie crumbles.

Are You Ready For Some Baseball?

Spring training is over and the Indians are ready to play ball. The word is that the players are better prepared than ever. Some unofficial official rumors and outright lies came into this blogger's hands or better yet his imagination.

--Spitting this year will be a sight to behold. It took a minimum of ten spits per minute to make the team! Pity the guy who cleans up the dugout.

--The competition for designated bubble gum blower went right down to the wire. Fans will be thrilled to know that Joe the Blowhard made the team with a three inch diameter bubble.

--According to the Manager, the pitching rotation is all set. New this year will be a carousel at the pitcher's mound which will make it easier to rotate the pitchers. The carousel will be operated by remote control, saving homophobic fans from seeing a pitching coach pat the pitcher on the ass.

--The infielders will be more error free. Cup straightening was proving to be a distraction that kept an infielders hand on his balls rather than the baseball. Trainers have come up with a looser fitting cup. Not all the players are happy about this and feel they are being deprived of an opportunity to advertise their wares. The Players Association may file a grievance claiming an invasion of privacy.

--Perhaps the biggest change that fans will see are the uniforms. Gone are the knee length pants. In are the shoelace length baggy sans belt pants . Only players with clean underwear made the team. It is predicted that there will be much fewer stolen bases this year. Any player caught with his pants down will fined a ten pound bag of salmonella free pistachio nuts.

--During the course of Spring training, any player caught shaving or sporting a crew cut was sent to the minors for further training in proper grooming.

--Also cut from the roster were players not versed in publicly expressing their thanks to a higher being after blasting the hell out of ball ( Baseball And God). No atheists are permitted in the batter‘s box!

Play balls….. Oooops …ball!

A Massacre A Day

With a massacre a day keeping the coroners busy, will Spain indict the NRA for aiding and abetting mass murder?

The Loyal Opposition

Lately the words "loyal opposition" have come out of the mouths of Congressional Republican leaders, John Boehner ,Mitch McConnell and the defeated Republican presidential candidate, Senator John McCain. Is this something new in our politics? Not new but rarely used.

The loyal opposition in a democracy is the concept that one can be opposed to the government without being opposed to the constitution or the political system. In time of war , the loyal opposition referred to the party not holding the office of President and meant that it would cooperate fully and without reservation in the war effort.

It is comforting to know that the Republicans are not opposed to the constitution but I doubt this is what they mean when they call themselves the loyal opposition. Do they mean that they will cooperate fully and without reservation in the pursuit of two wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Hardly, they keep second guessing every move the Obama administration makes. So what are they talking about?

My guess is that it is the work of some strategist who sold the leaders on the concept that "the loyal opposition" sounds much more noble then "the minority party". It is also provides cover when they rebuff any attempts of bipartisanship by the Democrats. "As long as you do it my way we'll get along. We don't oppose the constitution but we oppose your right to govern. We are the loyal opposition!"

(cartoon from Chattnooga Times Free Press - Bennett)

Tony's Finch Diner

Tony’s Finch Diner was established in 1995 and is still the diner of choice for connoisseurs of good food among goldfinches, purple finches and house finches. Business is flourishing in spite of the economy since birds prefer to eat out. By word of beak and lately the social networking phenomenon Twitter, birds of a feather have been twittering up a storm about Tony’s Finch Diner.

Birds do not eat like a bird and with the price of thistle going up it is becoming a challenge to maintain the high standards at Tony‘s Finch Diner. Some thought has been given to charging a perch fee but collecting it would be impossible and brings up scenes from the movie “Birds”. Diluting the thistle, cutting down on the number of perches, and shortening the feeder hours were also options but dismissed out of hand. Someone also suggested hiring a cat as a security guard to reduce the traffic. The price would be cheap, all the birds it could eat. The result would be bankruptcy for the Diner and would make a jailbird out of Tony once word got out to the Audubon Society.

Actually the problem is not so difficult to solve. If Tony starts eating like a bird he can afford thistle ( for the birds) no matter how high the price. Moreover, a more healthy life style will reduce health costs and Tony can begin to consider franchising Tony’s Finch Diner. Once the money starts rolling in, its eat, drink and be merry!